Kids say the darndest things...

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

I've always used the expression "before you were a twinkle in your daddy's eye" when telling my girls about things that happened before they were born.  On Christmas Eve morning, my younger daughter came into our room early in the morning and climbed up on the bed, and with a very serious expression, pried open one of her daddy's eyes.  Then she looked at me, dead serious, and said, "Mama, is my baby brother a twinkle in Daddy's eye yet?"

[desdawg]

That was of course the name of an old TV program. Art Linkletter was the host. I remember one that I saw where a group of kids made up drawings at Christmas time. One boy drew the stable, manger, etc. and standing next to it was a round fat guy. Art asked the lad who that was and he replied "Why, thats Round John Virgin". I haven't thought about that in years.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

I used to have a book from that show where they had tons of funny quotes from little kids on all kinds of topics.  My kids could probably fill their own books... I try to write as many of them down as I can.  One of my favorites was when my oldest had just turned three.  I'd made a chicken and veggie stir-fry for dinner and she was only eating the veggies.  My husband told her she needed to eat some of the chicken, too, and without batting an eye, she said, "I can't."  When he asked why, her reply was that chicken makes her evil.  A few days later, we were having baked bbq chicken for dinner and the same daughter asked for another piece after gobbling down the first one.  My husband teased her and said, "I thought you couldn't eat chicken because it makes you evil?"   Without even looking up, she replied, "It's OK, I'm evil already."

[Drew]

My daughter, Robin, had a way with words as a toddler.

The guy on the penny was "Aberhead Lincoln".

The sugary treat after dinner was called "Bersert".

She went to pre-school in the town of "San Matato"

[glenn kangiser]

How come you guys always get the kids who say the cute stuff.

When my son was about 3 he wore glasses -they looked about twice the size as normal on him as they were pretty thick.  His eyesight was very poor even at 3 years old.  His mom had him in the seat of a shopping cart while shopping for groceries.  He also had asthma and a bad attitude because he didn't feel good always being short of breath.

A nice man walked up to them  and said, "Oh. what a cute little boy."

Aaron gave him, a bit of a dirty look and said, "Who do you think you are? Fart man?"

[Drew]

And that is how I got my super hero name.

[glenn kangiser]

Aaron was still wearing Spiderman Underoo's at the age of 15.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

How come you guys always get the kids who say the cute stuff.

When my son was about 3 he wore glasses -they looked about twice the size as normal on him as they were pretty thick.  His eyesight was very poor even at 3 years old.  His mom had him in the seat of a shopping cart while shopping for groceries.  He also had asthma and a bad attitude because he didn't feel good always being short of breath.

A nice man walked up to them  and said, "Oh. what a cute little boy."

Aaron gave him, a bit of a dirty look and said, "Who do you think you are? Fart man?"

That's one that's only cute in retrospect!  My oldest wouldn't say "nose" when she was little... we think it sounded too close to "no" or something.  Anyway, she could name all the parts of the face in English and Korean before she was 15 months old, but she wouldn't say nose.  If you asked where her nose was, she'd point to it, but no matter how we pleaded, she just wouldn't say it.  So one day when she was about 17 months old, I was in a grocery store in Tulsa and in walks a lady with the Cyrano/Jimmy Durante type nose.  "Big" didn't even begin to describe it because it almost looked like a deformity or some weird growth coming out of the center of her face.  DD suddenly lit up and squealed in glee and yelled, "Nooooose!  BIG NOSE!!!" while pointing directly at the poor woman.  She continued hollering "big nose" until we were outside of the store (which was maybe all of 30 seconds but seemed like an eternity!!!)  I bailed on my grocery shopping and just did everything in my power to get her out of earshot!

[glenn kangiser]

Yeah -- you gotta love em. 

Aaron's mom pretended she didn't know him when he pulled her sisters tube top fully down at the cash register as she (her sister) was holding him, at the same store on another trip.  Her sister was rather large and well endowed.  The man at the cash register was struck nearly speechless -- all he could do was look at the other checkers and say, "Did you see thaaaat?"

Her sister was fairly un-fazed -- jerked it up - got her stuff and exited fairly quickly too.

[Sassy]

And that is how I got my super hero name.

So there's another super-hero like DH?   

That reminds me of another story...  Glenn's ex-DIL's sister was in line at the grocery store with her 2 y/o son when she "quietly" passed some gas  Her son started yelling out "you made a stinky, you made a stinky!"  She left her cart where it was & took off...   

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Thankfully, most folks take stuff that kids say/do pretty well.  One time not too long ago, we were eating dinner at our favorite Mexican place when this family came in and sat down next to us.  The husband and kids seemed friendly and laid-back, but you could just tell by looking that the mom was anything but... she looked stressed out even while they were walking in the door.  She had this dyed red hair (think maraschino cherry or fire engine) in one of those short styles that looks like it was done with an electric mixer.  She was dressed like she was going to some big business meeting, but the rest of the family was dressed in relatively casual clothes.  Anyway, my daughter looked at her and asked quite loudly, "Mom, why does that lady have crazy hair?  She looks like she's trying to be one of those brat dolls."  I tried to hush her, and she became quite indignant.  She said, "I didn't say a bad word, Ma, but it's true, she DOES have crazy hair.  I wasn't lying!!!"  I quietly tried to explain that it wasn't nice to call somebody's hair "crazy", and then she faulted me by yelling, "But when Daddy needs a haircut you say his hair is crazy!!!"  Anyway, carrot top was hearing all of this and getting really steamed and I thought she was going to blow, so I took my daughter on out to the car while DH and my other daughter finished dinner and paid for the food.  I carefully tried to explain that DD might hurt people's feelings by saying things about them, even if they're true.  Well, a week later, I had to go to downtown Chicago to the Indian consulate to get a visa for my trip to India, and we made a family event of the trip and spent the whole day.  We stopped for lunch in some over-priced trendy little noodle shop, and all was going well until a group was seated at the table next to us.  The guy directly opposite DD had a mohawk that was spiked up with bright colored stuff in it.  DD's eyes bulged and I could see that she was really having a hard time containing herself.  Earlier in the day, she'd found a little troll doll that someone had dropped and had stuffed it in her jacket pocket... you know, those little troll dolls with fluffs of bright orange hair sticking straight up from their heads??  Suddenly, DD jumped up from her seat as if propelled by some unseen force, ran across to the guy's table, and pulled the troll doll out of her pocket and held it out under his nose as if to say, "See, buddy, you're not alone in the world!".  At the same time, she was shrinking away from him like she was afraid he was going to get mad.  Then, without a word, she stuffed the doll back in her pocket and ran back to her seat, hopped up and took a bite of her lunch.  She looked up proudly and said, "See, Mama, I didn't say "crazy hair" even though it was true!"  The guy and his buddies, thankfully, just busted up laughing about it, and they made polite conversation with us through the rest of the meal...  of course, my husband blew Coke out his nose when he saw her run over and hold up the troll doll... I'll never forget the way she looked in her statue of liberty stance with that crazy orange-haired doll, wincing in fear that she was going to make the guy mad, but still unable to be dishonest about his wild hairdo.  Kids are great.  Thankfully most adults remember being kids, too.

[Redoverfarm]

Recently my 5 yoa daughter was visiting with her aunt. Somehow the conversation turned to Mommy's and her aunt told her that mommy's know everything. Without any hesitation my daughter asked "Are you a mommy". Her aunt replied no. My daughter then came back with " Then you don't know everything do you ?".  It was an innocent thought on the childs part.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

That's pretty cute... my daughter said something like that one time.  I think she asked out of the blue, "Mama, how long?"  I said, "How long until what?"  "Until I know everything like you."  I vowed to write that one down so that I could quote it back to her when she's about 14-15.   

[Erin]

Okay, I've got one too.

My son was six when he was helping us move cows and got bucked off his horse. 
After negotiating for a bit, trying to work it so he didn't have to get back on, we finally pointed out that we were 12 miles from the house, three miles from the trailer, and the cows were making a break for it across the neighbor's wheat field you're getting back on!

Anyway, he did good.  He brought up the drag just like he was supposed to.  For the rest of the day his dad and I pumped him up about what a good horseman he was that he landed well, hardly cried and got back on.  He had decided by the end of the day that he might just grow up to be a bronc rider.


Well that evening we went to town for a smoker (which is where our local VFW puts on a feed and the entire town shows up), so Jasper had a chance to tell everyone of his harrowing experience.  The best part though was when they were getting the poker and craps tables set up for the evening's entertainment.
The kids all got to play with the dice and "warm them up."


Jasper came charging over and proudly proclaimed, "Mom!  Mom!  I'm a roller high!!"

"You're a high roller?"


"Yeah!  I'm a high roller and a bronc rider!!" 



Lord take me now.  My life is complete.   

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Erin, the "roller high" reminds me of some of the things my daughter says... for whatever reason, she always calls bell peppers "bepper pells" and will correct anyone who tries to tell her otherwise.  There was another phrase that she used to spoonerize, too, but for the life of me I can't remember what it is/was until she says it or something triggers it... She's 5 now and she still says "cromise" instead of "promise"... we never could figure out why.  It is one of only two "p" words she has ever mispronounced.  The other one was pear... she couldn't say it when she was little to save her life and she would always say, "p-hair".  She started calling them that when I couldn't understand why she wanted to buy "hairs" at the farmers market.  Until recently, she always said "valinna" instead of vanilla.  Funny enough, she is the rare kid who gets spaghetti right.

My niece, on the other hand, can't say the "f" sound and it was all I could do to keep a straight face here a while back when she came in wearing a princess costume and announced that they were going to do a play and she was going to be the "hairy princess" and her sister was going to be the "hairy godmother". 

[glenn kangiser]

I remember about 30 years ago -- my oldest son came in and said "I don't want to play with the neighbor boy anymore, he said a bad word."

I asked him what he said, and he says, "He said futha sucker."

[Redoverfarm]

About 30 years ago my oldest daughter would say "cretecon" for concrete and "thunderbugs" for lightning bugs.  There are probably some more once my long term recepters tune in. If they do.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Pantytoes instead of pantyhose.  Toothtaste instead of toothpaste.  Popperhead snakes instead of copperheads.... I'm sure there are more.

[StinkerBell]

Doesn't even have to be kids. My Gramps would always as for someone to make him a Samich....(sandwich). He also always had a good ideaR.....I miss him.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Doesn't even have to be kids. My Gramps would always as for someone to make him a Samich....(sandwich). He also always had a good ideaR.....I miss him.

  In our family, there are several "grandmaisms"... she is forever getting the words "public" and "pubic" mixed up, which has caused me and my cousins tremendous public (or should I say "pubic"?) humiliation.  There's also a running joke that if any of us sees a falling down shack, we always say in true Grandma fashion, "Well, you know they say it's real nice on the inside."  When I was a kid there was this old tool shed down by the creek that was literally falling into the creek, and you could see between the boards, and part of the roof was caved in.  She commented that she'd heard it was 'real nice' on the inside because those folks who owned it got money, you know.     We never could figure out who the "they" she was talking about were... they told her a lot of strange stuff, though.  Then there is the "Sympathy" candy bars and others too numerous to mention.  We blame it on the summers she spent in California during the dust bowl... sun must've gotten to her.

[glenn kangiser]

Oh sure, Homegrown.  Californians are weird.   (In reality I'm an Oregonian, but don't tell!) 

Ok -- You got me going now.

My ex-sister-in-law was out with a group of her preaching friends.

They were chit chatting away and she mentioned how she just loved burning incest.  She is a bit of a redneck girl,  but...

I understand she actually meant incense.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Oh sure, Homegrown.  Californians are weird.   (In reality I'm an Oregonian, but don't tell!) 

Ok -- You got me going now.

My ex-sister-in-law was out with a group of her preaching friends.

They were chit chatting away and she mentioned how she just loved burning incest.  She is a bit of a redneck girl,  but...

I understand she actually meant incense.

I had a roommate in college like that.  We were hanging out with a group of friends one night and playing board games, and when we wrapped up a long game  of monopoly we were trying to decide what to play next.  Amy  said, "I know-- we can play Scrotum!"  (Incidentally, she meant Scrabble.)  It was a mixed group, and while most of the guys just had a horrified, confused look on their faces, us girls who knew what a malaprop Amy was were rolling in the floor laughing hysterically.  When my other roommate could pull herself together enough, she fetched a dictionary for Amy, who'd been sitting there for five minutes saying, "What?  What'd I'd say?  What's so funny?"  I think that was the only time I ever saw Amy blush.

Another time, she came in one morning and I was eating a grapefruit.  She made a retching sound and said, "How can you stand those things???  They're so sour!  And I don't like orangutangs either!"  The other roommate and I started howling with laughter and she said, "I meant octangarangs? Octarangs? Tangoctorangs?"  I mildly suggested, "Tangerines?" and she said, "No, those things that look like oranges.  I'm pretty sure they're orangutangs."  She was a riot.  That's the only reason we put up with her because otherwise she was a terrible roommate.

[glenn kangiser]

Malaprop -- new word for me -- I don't have that higher edification like you all.

mal·a·prop  (ml-prp)
n.
A malapropism.
[After Mrs. Malaprop, a character in The Rivals, a play by Richard Brinsley Sheridan, from malapropos.]
Word History: "She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile" and "He is the very pineapple of politeness" are two of the absurd pronouncements from Mrs. Malaprop that explain why her name became synonymous with ludicrous misuse of language. A character in Richard Brinsley Sheridan's play The Rivals (1775), Mrs. Malaprop consistently uses language malapropos, that is, inappropriately. The word malapropos comes from the French phrase mal à propos, made up of mal, "badly," à, "to," and propos, "purpose, subject," and means "inappropriate." The Rivals was a popular play, and Mrs. Malaprop became enshrined in a common noun, first in the form malaprop and later in malapropism, which is first recorded in 1849. Perhaps that is what Mrs. Malaprop feared when she said, "If I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!"

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

     Consider yerself edified! 

[Erin]

Speaking of malapropisms (yes, I knew the word before the dictionary was posted.  lol)--

The ranch we were on when we first got married was restocking after an estate sale/settlement.  The owner's young widow basically had an order buying snapping up anything that could walk through the sale ring on her own accord.  Consequently, the ranch was ending up with quite a few cows who had seen better days, much to the chagrin of those of us who had to deal with them.

One load of such creatures came in when she happened to be out to the ranch and could "help." 
As they came off the truck she made the observation that, "My, they sure are emancipated aren't they!?"


The foreman looked at DH and I, winked, and said, "Yes ma'am.  Now that they're off the truck, it would seem they are indeed emancipated."