Don't Be A Moron 101

[StinkerBell]

Don't Be A Moron 101

Kids take notes please.....

1. Only take pictures that you would have your grandma see, since everyone on the web will see them eventually.

2. Nothing is private, not email, not IMs, not text messages, not cell calls, not land lines, nothing. So if you don't want the whole world to hear what you said, don't say it. Or if you do say it don't be surprised to find it is known by everyone by the end of the day.

3. What you do in life will follow you until you die. Don't do things you don't want people in your nursing home to know about.

4. Your mom and dad are right. There really is nothing that happens after 11pm that you need to be involved in. You have no reason to be out after that until you are at least 25.

5. If you can't read your tattoo in English do not get it. How do you know that those Chinese symbols don't say "Stupid moron girl/boy with stupid tattoo"?

6 Don't get any tattoos that aren't covered by at least shorts and t-shirts until you are 40. After that you are smart enough to know better than to get your girlfriends name tattooed on your neck. (At least you should be)

7. You look stupid with holes in your face. Getting those gauge things in your ear prove to the world that you are not very smart and have no ambitions at all in life besides being unhirable.

8. You know and I know you are the absolute smartest person on Earth. But to help all the other's who don't know kindly keep your opinions on the world in wrap until you get your adult brains in. This usually happens between the ages of 25-30 with rare instances in younger people. You can ask me if your brains are right yet and I will let you know. If you are in the military you get a bonus 5 years added to your actual age so you get your adult brains earlier.

9. Typing furiously on the internet never solved any problem in the history of mankind. Go out and do something, don't just sit there and whine.

10. Your life and all that you do is your OWN PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY! No one owes you anything, not money, not an education, not a place to live, food, or medical help. If you want money get a job, if you want an education, work for it. No one ever helped themselves by sitting in front of a computer whining about not having anything.

11. Assume that you have at least $100 less in your checking account than you do. Nothing is more embarrassing that having your name posted all over town for bouncing checks.

12. Don't get credit cards unless you can pay the full amount you are allowed to charge at the end of one month. You almost never get out from under them once you start paying minimum amounts. How smart is it to pay interest on an extra cheese pizza for 5 years because you can't pay it off?

13. Don't believe everything you hear. Think for yourself. If it sounds fishy it probably is. If it is an offer to good to be true it probably is illegal. If it is from Nigeria run away.

14. Never loan friends or family more than $50 unless you never want to see it again. Friends and family have very short memories.

15. If you are going to get married make sure his/her family isn't insane. Not too many things are worse than having to live with insane people for the rest of your life.

16. You can never unsee anything. If you go looking for something be prepared to remember it forever.

17. Your family are usually the only people that love you no matter what. Don't burn bridges unless you really mean it and it will be worth losing them forever.

18. Never let anyone beat on you no matter what.

19. It is "Yes officer." or "No officer" anything else is just asking for trouble.

20. Personal Responsibility should be your motto through life. Without it you will end up a loser no matter what.

21. If someone offers you a breath mint, or soap TAKE IT!!!! You smell.

[Squirl]

1. 2. and 3.  I have to tell the next generation this all the time.  It is creepy the amount of things that you can piece together about someone from public information.  I have had to do investigative work before, and it scares the heck out of people of my generation what can be done without ever leaving your computer.  Almost everytime I show a teen-ager they just shrug.  They are used to living there lives as a completely open book.  It is a totally different mindset.

8. My father used to tell us this.  He used to say, you should get out into the world and take care of yourself while you still know everything.

[Alasdair]

Some great tips there stink!
Should it be subtitled "before you post on the countryplans forum..."  ?

[MountainDon]

Bravo!!


14A. If they come around for more a second time and haven't repaid the first "loan" don't extend anymore credit.  I've lost "friends" following that dictum, but I guess it's all to the better. 

[peternap]

Never try to fool Dad. He was you and already knows!     (One of my personal favorites )

[Redoverfarm]

Good advice Stink now just get people to put it to use. 

[sparks]

Ten

[StinkerBell]

Rule 21 makes me laugh.

[sparks]

Rule 14A-1

Don't loan tools or lawn equipment to family or friends ........unless you have a duplicate or backup!!

[desdawg]

I like #20. What you put out there will be returned to you 10X over.

[glenn kangiser]

Tattoos will always be listed on the police report.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Re: Item #1
Several years ago when I was in college I agreed to go along as the designated baby-sitter for my then 5-month-old nephew on a road trip to New Mexico.  I was travelling with my dad, step-mom, and step-grandparents, and as they knew I would be the only sober one amongst them, I was just there to take care of the baby.  The last night there, my step-mom, her nieces and mother and sisters, along with all the menfolk, got really wasted.  I have no patience with their stupidity, so I went upstairs with my nephew and locked the door and went to bed.  I made the mistake of leaving my camera downstairs.  The next day I noticed I had fewer pictures left on the camera than I thought, but didn't really think too much of it.  I drove all the hungover nutjobs home the next day and went on to Wal-mart to drop off my film. When I went to pick up the pictures, I was flipping through the cute pictures of my little nephew when all the sudden I came to about ten pictures of the drunks dancing naked by the Ruidoso River in the middle of the night ( )  I was too embarrassed to return them and get my money back!  So, I crammed them back in the folder, paid quickly and got the heck out of there.  So, when I got home, I stuck them in envelopes to the offending parties (I even had ordered double copies) along with notes that I would be auctioning off the negatives to the highest bidders on ebay.    

[muldoon]

Rule 14A-1

Don't loan tools or lawn equipment to family or friends ........unless you have a duplicate or backup!!

14-A2
This one based on my experiences in borrowing shop or yard tools.

If you do borrow something, anything, it will break while you have it and then you must buy the person a new one to replace it.  So skip the leech act and just buy yourself one and keep it. 

[glenn kangiser]

That is very true.

[Redoverfarm]

Ditto muldoon .  Seems to happen everytime.  But most people like for me to borrow from them as they get their worn out stuff fixed while I have it.

[glenn kangiser]

I have a couple of near broken things you could borrow, John.  Some of them I may pay freight on.