Government-controlled raisins???

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

This morning, as I was having my cup of coffee, I decided to have a slice of Sun-Maid raisin bread along with it... I'd picked it up at the store the other day because it sounded good and I haven't had any of it since I was a kid.  Anyway, as I'm waiting on it to toast, I started reading the back of the raisin bread bag....  It says, "The government demands that there be a mnimum amount of raisins in each loaf of raisin bread.  But this is not good enough for Sun-Maid.  Our bread has 50% more raisins than the government asks for."   I couldn't help it;  I just exploded into laughter even though realistically it is not funny...do they have the food police counting raisins in loaves of bread now?  This should be one of the top ten signs that your government is WAAAAAYYYYY too big for its britches.  The nuttiest thing about it was that Sun-Maid was advertising the fact that they exceed government requirements for their raisin bread as if the requirements are not in the least absurd.  I say we fix the economy by immediately eliminating the FDA, USDA, and the IRS.   

[Sonoran]

You are right. I think this is ridiculous.

If I own a company that makes raisin bread I believe I should be able to choose how I want to make my product. Excluding the right to put in cyanide or things to that nature.

If I make raisin bread and put two raisins in each piece of bread...what do you think is going to happen when someone buys it?  I guarantee you they will laugh at the fact that there are two raisins and never buy that my bread again. However, if I make good bread, people will continue to buy it.

It's all about jobs.  Politicians promise to create more jobs when they get elected.  Here is one example.

[Sassy]

Right on, HG!  Last year the gov't mandated that all almonds have to be pasteurized    that destroys a lot of nutrients, costs the farmers & consumers more & nothing was ever proven that there was a problem with almonds that needed pasteurizing!  So how come they aren't pasteurizing walnuts & pecans & every other nut?

We have an almond farm & have my brother hold out almonds before they're pasteurized...

So true, Sonoran - if it is a good product, people will buy it!

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

That's also another reason to grow whatever you can for yourself.  No telling what government demands have been placed upon food you buy in the store.  I'm with Sonoran.  If it is a good product, people will continue buying. If it is not, they will quit.  I don't know how this country got to the point that we have jobs for raisin-counters in government, though!  I think that we should quit pretending that there is such a thing as free trade in this day and age....  all I want to do is raise my own food and bake my own stuff and sell it to the neighbors if I have surplus, which should be totally legal, but unless it has the USDA stamp of approval, it is most likely illegal.  It is really stupid.  I think I'm going to lobby for an "opt-out" option... say that I sign a release and that my customers sign a release form saying that the government is not liable if we eat locally grown food from our neighbors and it kills us or puts us in the hospital.  Can you opt out of society?  Don't you think there should be an opt out for people who choose to take their health and nutrition into their own hands rather than trusting it to to the watchful eye of the raisin counters in government? 

[glenn kangiser]

How else can they get the sterility and cancer causing agents in the food if they don't require tampering with it. 

[Jens]

I like the term raisin counter, more than bean counter.  Raisins are well, sweet, and just moist enough, they are after all, nature's candy.

That is just plain rediculous.  It brings to mind the scene from Casino, where Ace (Bobby DeNiro) goes into the kitchen and demands that, "from now on I want every muffin to have the same amount of blueberries."

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Moreover, how do we know how well trained the raisin-counters are?  Should we raise taxes to make sure that they are appropriately trained, and shouldn't we centralize the training centers so that all raisin counters are trained in the same methods by the same people?  Sort of like the transportation authority... And, are we doing background checks on said raisin counters?  What if they can't count?  There should be remedial help (government sponsored programs, of course, paid for by the taxpayers) to help those raisin-counters who are not capable of doing their jobs, to help them be productive members of society.

[fishing_guy]

Don't forget, they must have at least a Master's degree to be a raisin counter.

[glenn kangiser]

Raisin Science 101

[John_C]

There are a lot of ways that a large commercial bakery could produce "sub-standard" raisin bread, either intentionally or by mistake.  There needs to be a certain minimum number of raisins per loaf.  Now if this is an average # per loaf there is the likelihood that some loaves would have more raisins than others. That wouldn't be fair to the consumer who bought the raisin deficient loaf.  So we probably ought to require that the bread be made loaf by loaf so we can be certain that each loaf has it's mandated number of raisins.

But, specifying the number of raisins per loaf will encourage some bakers to use smaller raisins and may in turn create pressure on the raisin industry to produce smaller and smaller raisins.  The only way to protect the consumer from that would be to specify a minimum raisin size.  In the end we will need to draft regulations governing the minimum raisin size, number of raisins per loaf, minimum weight of raisins per 1 pound loaf of raisin bread and the manner and duration in which the ingredients for each loaf are blended.  We need to insure that within each loaf the raisins are evenly distributed. It is necessary to protect the children from getting slices of raisin bread with fewer raisins than their siblings, and to protect the parents from the arguments that would inevitably be the result of uneven raisin distribution within each loaf.

This is of extreme urgency and we need to implement these regulations immediately. We need to monitor the resulting raisin bread and further modify the regulations as necessary.  I propose we create a new agency and a raisin bread czar to over see the necessary corrections to the raisin bread industry.

Now having fixed the raisin bread industry let's move on to the peanut industry.  Things aren't going too well over there y'know. 

[glenn kangiser]

Excellent analysis of the problem, John.  I vote for you for president and if the elections weren't rigged you would get it too.

That is unless there is something I don't know about you.... It would really throw my thoughts about this off if you turned out to be born in Kenya.  A definite plus. ...

[MountainDon]

I'll go along with that John as long as you guarantee that only American grown raisins will be used. It would be alright if the American raisins were grown on grape vines with roots from other countries, as long as they were imported legally.

[John_C]

I was not born in Kenya, nor Hawaii.  I do have a birth certificate.  I was born at a very young age and at night....   no not last night.

Don, you have brought out a few more good points.  But so far we have only considered regulations affecting the raisins in raisin bread.  We need to regulate the flour, eggs, sugar other ingredients, packaging and transportation of raisin bread.

After lengthy consideration (over coffee), I have decided to make myself available to serve our great country in this important post.  Considering the national importance of Raisin Bread Czar I believe an annual salary in the range of 10 times that of a U.S. Senator's along with a comparable benefits package would be appropriate.  That would still be far below the compensation packages of private sector executives with lesser responsibilities.  At great personal sacrafice I am making myself available.


I can start on Tuesday.

[MountainDon]

I know everything one would need to know about eggs, they come from chickens I believe, and therefore I would like to volunteer to accept the position of Egg Czar to serve alongside you John. My wife had a yeast infection once so I believe she should be appointed to be Leavening Agents Czar.

[glenn kangiser]

Will you be regulating fermented raisins such as raisins used in Raisin Wine, your Czarship?

OMG.... I hope they don't get a yeast infection while fermenting....

[MountainDon]

A raisin is a raisin is a raisin is a raisin. (try typing that fast three times)

Therefore raisins will be measured, weighed and counted before leaving their source and at the final point of use. These inspections will be carried out by teams of inspectors to ensure quality. 

[John_C]

Actually Glenn recent developments emphasize how well fermented rasin products fit right in with the position.  After Don's post, in which he expressed concern that only American raisins be used, I was contacted by lobbyists food scientists specializing in raisin technology.  They have convinced me that only grapes grown in Napa Valley should be used to make raisins for raisin bread.  They promise more stringent size and quality control including new guideline for the allowable shape of raisins.

I am also proud to announce that I have accepted a mostly honorary position on the Napa grape advisory board.

Don, I think your wife would be perfect for the Egg Czar position.  I believe there will be an opening in a secondary position regulating the fermented raisin products.  It doesn't pay as well as the "Czar" positions but has other perks. 

[MountainDon]

     

[glenn kangiser]

I am a bit concerned about how we will know if the actual raisin we are looking at has passed inspection or if another possibly unregulated raisin may have been substituted. 

Any possibility we may get legislation requiring grade stamps on the individual raisins as in the lumber industry,  or maybe RFID chips?  This would of course require a full staff of inspectors in the local government.  How would the permitting process be handled?  hmm

Of course the end user would be required to buy RFID chip removal equipment and have a final inspection before a certificate of usability is issued.  That is of course if he is an authorized  licensed and bonded raisin RFID chip removing contractor.

[MountainDon]

I believe the raisins, the vines, the vineyards and the grape pickers should be serialized, or possibly microchipped.

Or would that be cerealized.

[John_C]

R-Czar here.

Since we are talking about raisins for raisin bread, the inspections will be carried out throughout the process, right up to and including when the approved raisins are added to the approved dough mixture.  Stamping or chipping should not be necessary. We at the Department of Raisin Bread will oversee it's strict adherence to all applicable regulations; you can trust our dedication to this task

As you are probably aware raisins are already being cerealized. There are separate regulations for the raisins in raisin bran and raisin bran flakes.  There are distinct regulatory statutes and agencies covering those applications and I would be overstepping my authority as Raisin Bread Czar to comment. Having already expanded my agency to cover fermented raisin products There is no need to overwork my staff.

[glenn kangiser]

I believe the raisins, the vines, the vineyards and the grape pickers should be serialized, or possibly microchipped.

Or would that be cerealized.

I first looked at that I thought you said "sterilized" and I was thinking you were a bit malevolent this afternoon...

[glenn kangiser]

Oh great R-Czar, your holiness, I pray thee tell us, what variety of raisin might these be? hmm

[John_C]

Hard to say from just a photo but here in the U.S. virtually all raisins are made from Thompson seedless grapes known elsewhere in the world as Sultana grapes.  In the photo they appear small enough that they may in fact not be raisins but currants.

For a more definitive analysis send a sample of the grapes to our contract Lab.  We have arranged for the Bubba Grump Grape Company to do all our lab work.  Be aware you may be subject to strict federal penalties if you are misrepresenting currants as raisins.  This is not to imply that currants are inferior, just different and we have strict federal penalties for just about everything.

[glenn kangiser]

I think I'll just try to convince the kid to just go for the taste test...