IRS Audit, ladies ands children..read at your own risk

[peternap]

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

G randpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!


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[Terry]

Nice,    I hate tax time. 

[glenn kangiser]

Me too --- I just finished mine.....

For 2007.... today

My ex-wife took a bunch of little kids in with her -- and of course she couldn't control them - they were on desks - greeting other auditors etc.  She got an accepted as filed rather quickly.  "I can't work with all of these kids running around in here."  snarled Rita, the auditor.

Ex said "What do you want me to do - shoot 'em? I couldn't get a babysitter."  or something close to that as I remember.  She was taking care of a couple extra's that day as I recall.

[Dog]

You're fresh Glenn! 

[Redoverfarm]

Mine are finished and on their way.  I hate to put off taxes especially since they will probably owe me and I can use the money more than they can.  They would probably just give it away anyhow.

[peternap]

Mine are finished and on their way.  I hate to put off taxes especially since they will probably owe me and I can use the money more than they can.  They would probably just give it away anyhow.

I'm just the opposite John. I always owe the blood sucking darlings....so they get it at the last minute!

[glenn kangiser]

Mine are finished and on their way.  I hate to put off taxes especially since they will probably owe me and I can use the money more than they can.  They would probably just give it away anyhow.

Not due for a year are they? hmm

Sorry but after they illegally broke into my mail box and opened my mail, hauled my work truck off etc. in 83 I'e had a bit of a bone to pick with them.  My wife is a federal employee so I have to lose enough - buy enough equipment etc, to get her withholding back.  I'm a very poor businessman and I will never work enouigh to make a major donation to the Feds again.  It's just a little war.

The IRS agent was cool.  She told me in the future to operate my business in such a manner that I would never have an obligation to the IRS again.  I took her advice.  She even rescued me once when the IRS auditors tried to rule my sub-contractors as employees.  I dropped her name and the reply came back accepted as filed.  She's a boss there now I hear.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Our taxes are done and we're waiting for the refund, which will hopefully come before the closing on the house.  We always try to do them as early as possible every year so that they are OUT of the way.  I hate taxes.  My grandpa always used to say that the only sure things were death and taxes.     Anyway, they weren't so bad this year because of the relocation and selling the house and having a baby and so forth. 

[MountainDon]

We're in the process... we usually owe them, so there's no rush.