Author Topic: Humor  (Read 305359 times)

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glenn-k

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Humor
« on: February 12, 2007, 03:59:23 AM »
Sorry for this -

http://www.bradrand.com/Pages/redneck_page.htm

Brief nudity depending on how long you look ---

Building related pix also.

MountainDon

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Re: Humor
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2007, 09:06:55 PM »
I finally stopped laughing long enough to be able to make this post.   ;D ;D  I think the Redneck Highrise is where they got the idea for the Clinton Library.  
http://www.clinton-library.com/
And how about that doorbell button!!   :o
« Last Edit: February 12, 2007, 09:14:58 PM by MountainDon »

glenn-k

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Re: Humor
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2007, 09:34:21 PM »
I'm glad you posted that, Don.  It cracked me up too, but I was thinking maybe it was a little to wild for us here since no one had posted anything on it, so I was about to get rid of it.

At least two of us (and my wife) are crude enough to think it was cool. ;D


« Last Edit: February 12, 2007, 09:41:47 PM by glenn-k »

Amanda_931

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Re: Humor
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2007, 06:39:31 AM »
The "Clinton Library" one we've seen before.  IIRC Daddymem challenged us to say how it was done.

But I loved the skunks.

And sent the whole silly thing widely--if mostly to people with a fast internet connection.

MountainDon

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Re: Humor
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2007, 11:45:11 AM »
I was wondering about how they did the highrise.  :-? Did anyone come up with a feasible answer?

And the skunks are precious.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2007, 11:47:01 AM by MountainDon »

glenn-k

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Re: Humor
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2007, 07:11:34 PM »
We had it posted by itself one time - and came up with some theories but not a postive answer.  

Glad you enjoyed that, Amanda.  I was using Stumbleupon http://www.stumbleupon.com/ stumbling through humor, and couldn't keep that one to myelf. :)

Offline glenn kangiser

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Re: Humor
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2007, 05:52:26 AM »
Sassy forwarded this to me from work.

I LOVE MY JOB .  .  .  .  .

 

 

               If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in

a coma!  This is even funnier when you realize it's real!  Next time you

have a bad day at work think of this guy.

 

 

      Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.

He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

 

       Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.  She then sent it to

radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana , who was sponsoring

a worst job experience contest.  Needless to say, she won.

 

 

            Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office.  I know you've been feeling down

lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you

realize it's not so bad after all.

 

              Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must

bore you with a few technicalities of my job.  As you know, my office

lies at the bottom of the sea.  I wear a suit to the office.  It's a

wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.  So what we do to

keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.

It heats it to a delightful temperature.  It then pumps it down to

the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.  Now

this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times

with no complaints.

 

 

              What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is

take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.  This floods my

whole suit with warm water.  It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

 

 

             Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt

started to itch.  So, of course, I scratched it.  This only made

things worse.  Within a few seconds my butt started to burn.  I

pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.  In

agony I realized what had happened.  The hot water machine had sucked up

a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.  Now, since I don't have any

hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it However, the

crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

 

 

              When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was

actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.  I informed the

dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.  His instructions were

unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all

laughing hysterically.

 

              Needless to say I aborted the dive.  I was instructed to

make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five

minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry

decompression.  When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing

nothing but my brass helmet.

 

              As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of

laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told

me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.  The cream

put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was

swollen shut.

 

              So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about

how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your

butt.

 

              Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I

Love my job."

 

              Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a

jellyfish bad day?

 

  

              May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

"Always work from the general to the specific." J. Raabe

Glenn's Underground Cabin  http://countryplans.com/smf/index.php?topic=151.0

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Offline benevolance

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Re: Humor
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2007, 12:31:07 PM »
yuck dude

Offline glenn kangiser

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Re: Humor
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2007, 02:46:25 PM »
I guess that was a little bit raw, wasn't it, butt true.
"Always work from the general to the specific." J. Raabe

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Offline Sassy

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Re: Humor
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2007, 10:16:41 AM »
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

    1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
    Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the
    blockage will be almost instantly removed.


    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
    someone else to hold them while you chop away.


    3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just
    by using the sink.

    4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
    few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an
    egg timer.


    5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from
    rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.


    6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will
    be afraid to cough.


    7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget
    all about the toothache.


    8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
    In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
    If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
    If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.


    9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


    10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

    
http://glennkathystroglodytecabin.blogspot.com/

You will know the truth & the truth will set you free

Amanda_931

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Re: Humor
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2007, 05:18:39 PM »
Some of those are truly horrible, Sassy.

I had to send them to half my mailbox.

 ::)

(But I could have used that one tip the day I shopped my finger instead of the onions.)
« Last Edit: May 27, 2007, 05:19:47 PM by Amanda_931 »

Sassy

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Re: Humor
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2007, 08:47:30 PM »
Yeh, I had to send it around to a few people, too.  Good word pictures   ::) ;D .  Glad to see you are back on CP!  I was just mentioning to Glenn last night that you hadn't been on for awhile - we miss you when you're gone!  

Amanda_931

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Re: Humor
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2007, 07:28:55 PM »
Friend e-mailed back that that list "spoke to the inner dork in all of us."

(just now I'm making an effort to do as little as possible)

glenn-k

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Re: Humor
« Reply #13 on: June 02, 2007, 07:40:17 PM »
Pretty good video - My Generation

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=mht7l5aib1

Offline glenn kangiser

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Re: Humor
« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2007, 03:09:38 AM »
Got a decent joke today

I rear ended a car a few days ago. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!   He was pissed!   He looked up at me and said "I am NOT HAPPY!"
I said, "Then, which one ARE you?"

"Always work from the general to the specific." J. Raabe

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Offline MountainDon

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Re: Humor
« Reply #15 on: July 13, 2007, 07:20:11 PM »
UNIQUE EXERCISE FOR BUILDING MUSCLES IN "OLDER" PEOPLE

Just came across this exercise suggested for older people, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

Then try 25-lb potato sacks, 50 -lb sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arm straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

 ;D ;D ;D
Just because something has been done and has not failed, doesn’t mean it is good design.

Offline glenn kangiser

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Re: Humor
« Reply #16 on: July 13, 2007, 09:17:31 PM »
Um - Don -- you had me goin there for a minute.

How about lifting a calf every day as he is growing.  I've heard you will still be able to lift him when he is a full grown bull. :o

What do you think? :-?
"Always work from the general to the specific." J. Raabe

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Offline benevolance

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Re: Humor
« Reply #17 on: July 14, 2007, 01:50:21 PM »
sounds like an awful lot of bull to me Glenn ;)


Offline Daddymem

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Re: Humor
« Reply #18 on: July 15, 2007, 02:32:34 AM »
One day a family drops off Grandma in a nursing home, where they are assured that she will be well cared for. Shortly after they leave, Grandma slowly starts to lean sideways in her chair. The nurse immediately rushes over and straightens her up. A little while later Grandma starts to tilt to the other side—and once again the nurse runs over and props her back up. This continues until the family comes back that night for a visit. “So how are they treating you, Grandma?”

“Not bad,” the old woman replies. “Except they won’t let me fart.”
Où sont passées toutes nos nuits de rêve?
Aide-moi à les retrouver.
" I'm an engineer Cap'n, not a miracle worker"

http://littlehouseonthesandpit.wordpress.com/

Offline glenn kangiser

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Re: Humor
« Reply #19 on: July 15, 2007, 05:19:21 AM »
That was pretty funny, Daddymem.  Like being made to sit on fresh egg all day without breaking it.  Poor Granny. :( ;D
"Always work from the general to the specific." J. Raabe

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Offline MountainDon

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Re: Humor
« Reply #20 on: July 15, 2007, 05:20:52 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D

....sometimes I do that...  :-/  lean over for that reason  :).
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 06:14:24 PM by MountainDon »
Just because something has been done and has not failed, doesn’t mean it is good design.

Offline MountainDon

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Re: Humor
« Reply #21 on: August 08, 2007, 05:49:31 PM »
25 Signs that Your Getting OLD

1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14. You send money to PBS.
15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16. You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23. You can go bowling without drinking.
24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
25. People send you this list.
Just because something has been done and has not failed, doesn’t mean it is good design.

Offline glenn kangiser

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Re: Humor
« Reply #22 on: August 08, 2007, 05:58:15 PM »
Hm-- I took the metal detector to the beach the other day myself. :-/
"Always work from the general to the specific." J. Raabe

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Offline MountainDon

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Re: Humor
« Reply #23 on: August 08, 2007, 06:13:16 PM »
# 11, 17, 18, 19, 25
 :'(
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 06:13:48 PM by MountainDon »
Just because something has been done and has not failed, doesn’t mean it is good design.

Offline benevolance

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Re: Humor
« Reply #24 on: August 13, 2007, 08:14:54 AM »
no hair on my ears yet....

the back goes out a fair bit though.... >:(

 

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