Nebraska

[glenn kangiser]

There goes Sassy -- off on a tangent.  Talking about Nebraska. hmm

[StinkerBell]

Nebraska, never lived there.

My ex after the divorce took off with the kids and hid out on the Military Base (he was AF) hard to track down and serve someone when living on base. Met a great lawyer in Nebraska who help me get my kids back home. The judge was easy with him in regards to child support but because of the ex's actions of taking off with them and not allowing me  to see or talk to them the judge spanked him hard by only allowing him visitation and not joint custody. He started off with that and lost it.

[glenn kangiser]

hmm  Maybe I should link this to the Festivus thread and the annual airing of grievances.  http://countryplans.com/smf/index.php?topic=1031.0

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Stink, what you say is true.  Just don't ever badmouth him in front of your kids... my mom was great never to do that, and to never allow me to.  As a result, I never said a thing about him I regret saying, and she was totally blameless as far as my view of my dad goes...Even though any bad thing she could have said about him would have been absolutely justified and true!  He was and is what he is, and I love him in spite of it, but I would never delude myself into thinking him any kind of hero, even as a little kid.  Now that he's getting older, he seems to need some kind of validation, as if my opinion suddenly matters, and I feel like he wants me to say it was all OK and that he was a great dad.  I couldn't with any degree of honesty say that, so last year I wrote him a letter and told him the good he DID do, albeit totally unintentionally... he taught me that to depend upon human beings was utterly pointless and that God was a father to the fatherless, and that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of (not the sum of all) wisdom.  It probably wasn't what he wanted to hear exactly, but I did have a lot of good that's come out of the whole situation over all.  And in the long run, when I met my husband, I made sure it was his character and not his charisma that I loved... though he is pretty loveable overall.

My heart goes out to you to have stuck it out through all of that.  I have a friend now with five kids going through something similar... I have so much respect for her.  Husband was hooking up for one-nighters with women he met on the internet and knew by first name only.  She is seeking a legal separation rather than a divorce thus far.  If it were me, I don't think I could have handled it with so much grace, and I certainly wouldn't be prolonging forced contact with him by the separation process... most courts will grant a divorce in a heartbeat in a situation like that, and I hate to admit it, but in the same situation, that's probably what I'd do.  

Stinkerbell, I understand your point about letting your kids see your ex for what he really is, so long as they aren't physically endangered by being left alone with him.... I still think he's a schmuck for not paying child support, and I'm sure the kids will see that someday, too.  Guess every situation is different.  In my case, I've never tried to keep my kids from having a relationship with my dad and step-mom, but I've also never left them alone, even for a little while with either of them simply because I know how quickly things can go wrong with them.  Dad seems to have a blank memory as to a lot of stuff that happened because he almost demands that he and his wife should have visitation rights with the kids without us present, but there is no way that's going to happen.  Even though I've never once said anything bad about my dad in front of the kids, they've both experienced it a few times for themselves, and they love him, but don't trust him.  They'd be scared spitless to have to spend the night there because they never know when Dad's explosive temper's going to erupt.  He's been verbally, though never physically, abusive to both of them (perhaps just because I was there), usually for little petty stuff.... the last time he started, my oldest told him she didn't like him and didn't want to be around him.  Granted, she was misbehaving and did need correction, but he exploded on her... she was barely 4, yet he was the one out of control.  I can remember truly fearing for my life when I was a kid down there... and terrified to say anything for fear of paybacks against mom.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

good grief, in between the post I mean to reply to and the reply itself, there were half a dozen other postings... are y'all snowed in there too, or what?

[Sassy]

That happened to me too, Homegrown    We're not snowed in but rained in - it's been raining steady since yesterday afternoon - blowing like crazy last night, 41.7 degrees now - lightening & thunder kept waking me up last night - the windows would light up.  We need the rain, though... 

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

The boys (I should say "men" as they are 26 & 28) love it that we all get along.

I think it is great that y'all get along, nothing short of a miracle...
After my college graduation, my dad and step-mom took me and my mom and then-fiance' DH out to dinner.  They were all so polite and nice to one another it kind of threw me for a loop.  In the middle of the meal there was a momentary lull in conversation and I just busted out laughing and couldn't tell them why, but it was so weird to see them being so civil, particularly my dad and step-mom being nice to mom, because that had NEVER happened.  I remember when I was about 8 my step-mom verbally attacked my mom so fiercely that I tried to physically attack her (she's about 6 ft. tall!!) and my dad held me back, even though he knew good and well mom had done nothing to deserve the attack.  The whole dinner out was comical... and weird.  

Hey, if this is the Country Plans therapy session, I gotta say, the price is right... we'd be out a lot of money for telling this stuff to a shrink.

[StinkerBell]

I was 19 or 20 when I was called to Humbolt County in Northern California. My father was dead and I had to ID him. I had dinner with him a few months prior (the 6th and finally time I ever recall seeing him). He was ill and dying anyways of liver damage. Anyways, I got a letter from him prior to that dinner and it was a 3 page letter of apology. I still have that letter. He admits he was a big butt and was never a dad.  The most important part of that letter was that he made sure that I knew it wasn't about me, in the sense I was not a bad kid or anything like that. It was his addiction that had him. I am grateful that I discovered during the 3 days I spent  up in Ruth, CA near Weaverville was that he was saved. Oh yes and his wife (I guess he got married again) was an addict to and shot him one day in the leg cause she got mad at him. The sheriff who was so nice and said that he liked my dad, he was personable but had not a monkey on his back but a full grown male groilla (sp). He said this as he was clearing off the computer his outstanding warrants. I sat in that chair in the sheriffs office and just laughed. She shot him. I just thought it was the most hysterical thing. I have no idea why. Funny how one thinks of these things. This thread was my rant on the government. Turned out so different. Much like children you can give life to it, but somehow at some point it takes a life of its own.

[glenn kangiser]

good grief, in between the post I mean to reply to and the reply itself, there were half a dozen other postings... are y'all snowed in there too, or what?

Good rainstorm going on yesterday and today.

Finishing reading the rest of the postings, I see Sassy already said that.

[Erin]

It's snowing here in Nebraska.  (How's that for a connection... lol )

[Sassy]

My mom's dad left them when she was 12 - she didn't see him until she was in her 30's.  My grandmother started her own business - a chicken hatchery - and was pretty successful at it.  Back then, not too many people got divorced & not that many women had their own business. 

When my grandmother was in her 70's, she came to live on my parents property in a mobile home out behind their house.  My grandfather came to visit one year (by then they were in their 80's) He had some dementia.  He used to go over & visit my grandmother (his ex-wife) & would tell my mom (his daughter) "what a delightful woman Clara is" 

PS  they were from Minnesota...

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

That's a riot...

[MountainDon]

Wow! I go up to the mountains for a couple hours this morning and the topics explode!! 

Nebraska... it's north and east of me a ways... it's snowing there.... might snow here tonight/tomorrow.

[glenn kangiser]

It's snowing here in Nebraska.  (How's that for a connection... lol )

Very on topic, Erin.  I think you may be the only one -- OK -- you and Sassy.  OK -- Sassy sometimes.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Don, that's what happens when the weather is ugly outside.

Stinkerbell, I can see you cracking up talking to the sheriff... I busted out laughing at one of my uncle's funerals one time because of the absurdity of everything...  he died in the middle of the summer, and I'm not sure who was the idiot who decided to have the graveside service at 2PM on a hot July day, but it must've been 110 degrees out there.  My crabby great-grandma stood way back under the trees in a sleeveless minidress with her arms folded in a hostile stance across her chest.  I went back there to greet her after the abnormally LONG funeral service, and she commented about her granddaughter, whose husband was being buried, "Well, I'd go up there an hug 'Nola, but she just knows I cain't take this heat!!" (as if Enola had especially ordered the heat just to annoy my great-grandma!) and she stormed off to her air-conditioned car.  She was in her early 90s or late 80s at the time, and the whole thing struck me as funny, and I just busted up laughing.  Boy, did I get the looks from the rest of the family.  

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

There goes Sassy -- off on a tangent.  Talking about Nebraska. hmm

Drove through Nebraska a few times... camped there.  Lots of open spaces.  I like that.