When They Are Not Quite Convinced

[Neutral]

This forum is exactly what I've been looking for and I didn't even know it. I've always said that I was going to buy a house and not have a mortgage, but I didn't quite know how.

Now I'm all giddy about buying land and building a cabin but my happiness has come to a halt because my husband isn't quite feeling the idea.

Not that I could get much out of him besides "I want a big house".

I pushed further and got "who is going to take care of all that land? I don't want to cut an acre of grass."



Now I don't even know what to say. I would think the idea of being cost conscious and living simply would appeal to him because he's kind of cheap; whereas I'm not.

Has anybody ever had to convince their better half that this was a great idea? Or did everybody just jump right in?

[MikeT]

Not all situations are the same, but I wanted to buy bare land and build while my wife was dubious.  Our general rule of thumb is that we take all these types of disagreements to our "marriage counselor", aka our financial planner.  He sided with me with the caveat that a divorce would really muddy this outlook.  That said, this has turned into the best financial decision we have made with respect to investments.

An endnote to this: Now that we have a roof and siding and can sleep there, it is much easier for her to be excited.  AND....she is the one who is now more likely to want "nicer" furnishings than I.

mt

[ScottA]

All I did was show my wife some small cute houses online and did the math for her on what it would cost us to live there vs. here. Sold. It wasn't hard when you can show a 75% savings per month in bills.

[OldDog]

My wife is in golf cart distance from her fishing hole.

Me, I'm too lazy to fish!

[Neutral]

Well I'll try the math again when he gets home tonight. Last time it didn't really work and I was surprised. But maybe he wasn't really listening to me and all he could hear was "buy land" while he looked at a picture of a cozy cottage that he thought was too small.

I am kind of set on this though, and I don't want to say "it doesn't matter what you think because this is the best decision". Instead I want him to come to that conclusion on his own. I want us both to be excited so we can start planning, or should I start start planning to plan.

[glenn kangiser]

I just dug a hole and put my wife in it.

BTW, to the forum.

[OldDog]

Find some land close to what he likes:

fishing, golf, tavern etc.

might help open his eyes!

[considerations]

I only have to negotiate with the Executive Committee in my head.  (Me, Myself, and I).

But, you may want to consider these:

Don't think "Lawn", think "Wilderscape".  

Property Taxes, the smaller the square footage of the house, the smaller the taxes.

If I, (55 female and single) can do this, then you can as well.

Who wants a mortgage that has a payoff date close to your __th (fill in the blank) birthday?

Smaller houses are easier to keep up.

Smaller houses have no room for adult children trying to climb back into the nest.

Smaller houses don't cost as much to heat, and energy prices will not go down.

Hmmm,  that's it for now.   Good luck.

[wildbil]

I have convinced my wife to downsize recently. It took a lengthy presentation as well as a detailed plan and budget. Also be ready to explain how you plan to get where you want to be in life. Me and my wife are very materialistic and really both of us arent who we want to be at this stage in our lives. My plan is less about the house as its about a lifestyle change and some new scenery. Small changes never last. Take the ultimate plunge.

another option is going on strike. until theres a firm compromise, if he is going to live like he wants to, you should live like you want to. How is it that one partner in the family gets to decide how both of you are going to be happy. its always easier to stay safe and unhappy and pop antidepression meds..but it isnt how humans should live either.

Frankly I'm so miserable with my life right now that I think if I wasnt able to convince my wife, I'd move anyways. Its your life, you get one. please make it how you want. good luck.

[Jens]

Hit him over the head, then give him smelling salts just before showing him the really cool chainsaws, tractors, nail guns, and his own firing range that the guy from the local farm store gets to play with.  Don't know if it'll work for you, but I am a sucker for big toys.  Get a copy of Mortgage free, and somehow get him to read it.  Some people just aren't into it though...what can you do.  It is possible to do in the city too (thats what we are doing/working toward), just can be more difficult.  You have to change your thoughts about life, before you can change your life.

[JRR]

Agree with him as much as you can ... that's how compromises are made.

I wouldn't want my life to be for cutting grass either.  Can most of the land be left natural ... woodland or pasture?  He doesn't want a small dinky cottage ... fine, me neither ... plan on a large expandable estate house.  Just begin by building a smaller portion of the estate house, that you can now afford.

[CREATIVE1]

Of course, the easiest thing to do is to marry someone with your exact same goals and attitudes.   But in the real world........

The best reason I can think of is that in trading time for money, I'd rather have the time.  If he can work less to support the family, there could be more time for his hobbies, vacations, or whatever else is on the back burner because of work.  And if he thinks that a small house is unpleasant to live in, show him some of the "wow" examples on this site. For example, http://www.countryplans.com/amydan.html
A small well designed and lovingly built home is not a compromise.

And as others have said, acreage can mean less maintenance if you just let go of grass.  Who needs it?  Wildflowers are free.

[glenn kangiser]

Grass is for city folks with too much time on their hands.  Us tough country folks have rock gardens, flowers and vegetables if we're going to grow something.

[MountainDon]

or just a bunch of trees... 

[jb52761]

I have to agree with Glenn and Don....Grass and perfectly manicured lawns are SOOO 1970's......I wouldn't trade my woods, trees, rocks, perennials, wildflowers, leaves everywhere, sticks all over the ground, etc....for nothing. And another upside to this type of yard-scape....I have plenty of wildlife to watch and enjoy every day....now if I can only keep the deer away from my hostas without driving them out for good.... ....jb

[glenn kangiser]

...and machinery...you can park lots of machinery around to make it homey....

[MountainDon]

Or if somebody really wants grass, but the designated lawn laborer does not want the extra work...



...go with man made "grass". I never water it, never cut it, it's always green.