What are we NOT teaching our kids, no wonder they are victims

[peternap]

I just read this story. Look at the video.
http://www.wftv.com/news/15817394/detail.html

I have a son and daughter. I taught both to fight and both to shoot,
I stressed to our daughter that Young ladies do NOT fight...unless they have to. I did not raise victims.

The beating in the video isn't a new thing. The new thing is that she did not fight back.

When I was 11 years old, I had an unusual sense of humor and liked practical jokes. My father, being a lawyer and the son of a strict schoolmaster, decided Military School would straighten me out.

Off I went. 6 hours after getting there I realized that it was either fight or have a very hard time. The other Cadets were older, 17 and 18 mostly. The first night my roommate (who was from Va Beach and made the mistake of bragging about his surfing and was named "Surfer Joe thereafter") were dragged out in the quad for the dally beating.

My opponent was a fat Yankee named Fitzgerald. About 17 years old (a freshman) 6 ft and around 250 pounds. After a few minutes I found a broom and though it bounced off of him, I got back up every time I got knocked down and would hit him with that broom handle.

The next night, I had a baseball bat and it had a little more effect. Still got my rear kicked...but I did a little more damage.

The next night, they dragged my roommate out, but and left me alone.

For the next year, almost every night, he got punched around and finally, ran away from school.
I started studying martial arts at age 12 and over the years have studied a half a dozen styles. I also found they have no use at all in the real world. In college, I taught self defense classes. Knife classes and shooting classes.

Enough ancient history...but the fact is, I always fought back and was Never a Victim.

What in the hell are parents teaching kids these days, That the police will protect them?
What was that girl thinking, that she could reason with those animals?

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Question is, how do you teach your kids to fight back?  My older daughter would put up a fight with anyone who messed with her... she's headstrong and tough and ornery, not to mention, lightening quick.  My little one crumples if someone looks at her wrong.  She doesn't mess with anyone else, where her big sister would be the one to provoke  a fight, most likely.  The younger one is generally a pretty good kid, but we've caught her lying to cover for her sister more than once, because she doesn't like to be in trouble with anyone.  She'd rather tell a tall tale to us part of the time than risk her sister's wrath for telling on her.  And when other kids pick on her, she doesn't even try to defend herself... I've gotten to the point where I have actually told her that if her sister hits her, she is to hit her back or they'll both be in trouble... trying to get her to stand up for herself a little.  The younger one is generally much better at avoiding conflict in the first place, but she doesn't handle it well when it is inevitable.  She has a sixth sense for drunks and dangerous people, and tends to avoid them at all costs.  My dad went off on her once (and she knew it was not justifiable... there's a difference in her handling being in trouble when she knows she did wrong) and since then, she keeps a good distance from him.  I have a feeling if ever someone really pushes her, though, she might well explode on them... because I was kind of like that.  I remember getting bullied by a couple of boys in junior high.  I'd go home every day with bruises all over me from where they'd beat on me.  The one guy would tip his chair back until it started to fall, and then he'd grab my long hair and pull back up on it.  Finally, I guess I just had enough one day and hauled off and punched one of the two guys.  He slapped me in the face and I started laughing at him and told him he hit like a girl.  A bunch of other boys saw what happened and chased him down and beat him up for hitting a girl.  The funniest thing is that boy and I ended up being good friends after I finally stood up to him, and we still keep in touch to this day, to the degree that he wanted me to be his "best man" in his wedding.  Anyway, I wish I could get my younger daughter to at least fight back a little.

[peternap]

Check around and see if anyone offers self defense classes for Kids. With the shy ones, it helps a lot to be in a supervised group of kids their own age. It's up to you to teach them when and how far. Unfortunately, it is the ones like yours that have to develop the "Not Me" attitude.

Adults and older kids are easier!

[StinkerBell]

May want to consider that she has been taught to fight. But people sometime do not react like expected. Maybe she was in shock or in total fear? Shock and fear can make some people just unable to respond.

[glenn kangiser]

My Dad taught me to turn the other cheek.  Can't count the times I got beat up because of his rules.

I taught my kids to not pick a fight but fight if they had to.

Stupid ass teacher wanted to discipline him for fighting in school.  I told them I would determine what punishment was appropriate.  As it turned out he had done as I told him so none was given.

Adults need to earn he respect of their children by being fair, teaching them what is right and respecting their honesty when it is given.

[NM_Shooter]

Two months ago, my 11 yr old daughter got jumped by a much bigger kid in the locker room after gym.  The other girl had told friends that she was going to beat up my kid.  Teachers found out and told the school officer.  He talked to both of them independently, told my daughter to walk off if the other girl started it, and then made the other girl promise not to start a fight. 

She still tracked down my kid and started yelling.  My daughter grabbed her backpack and walked off.  She was then jumped from behind and was punched repeatedly in the head.  She had never been attacked like that before and was shocked that someone would do such a thing, so she folded up and tried to cover.  Another kid saw what was going on and intervened. 

I was pissed.

I felt that the school should have called me as soon as they knew that someone was gunning for my child.  It was a Friday, and if I came to get her from school early, I think a weekend cooldown would have helped.

No one from the school contacted me after the incident.  Turns out the principal left early for the day.  My daughter called me on her cell phone from the nurse.

I attempted for three days to get in contact with the school to see if we could schedule a meeting with the family of the other child.  I wanted resolution that this was over.  I never met with the other family, but finally had a meeting with the "counselor".

BTW... the school officer (county sheriff) was livid.  He wrote up the incident as Battery, and said if he had seen what happened he would have arrested the 12yr old.

I'm still mad.   Albuquerque public schools are horrible.  It's really just big business in disguise.

[ScottA]

I taught my kids to never throw the first punch but to fight back if attacked. Some schools have strange ideas these days that both kids are at fault if a fight starts. I disagree with that. I know when I was growing up it only took one person to start a fight.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

NMShooter, that's terrible.  Was your daughter hurt badly?  

The first week of 4th grade, I remember a kid that had bullied me and my younger cousin every day for the previous school year chased us home from school.  He took my little cousin's notebook and smacked him upside the head with it... he was only bullying us because he knew that we wouldn't fight him because our moms had told us not to.  We came home that day and my mom and aunt were sitting in my aunt's kitchen and they heard us saying we "hated" Shawn and would eventually figure out a way to make a fool of him publicly.  Mom worked a crazy swing shift at the time and was going back on nights that night, but she came into the school with me in the morning and spoke to the principal.  During the second hour of school, someone on the intercom called for me to come to the office, and they sent someone for my little cousin who was a grade behind me, too.  We walked in and Shawn was already sitting in the principal's office with a miserable 'caught' look on his face.  We were all terrified of the principal, and neither my cousin nor I had ever been in his office and were scared silly just being in there.  He was a huge, tall man with hands big enough to span a basketball, and we'd all heard he gave the worst swats.  He talked to the bully first and asked him why he'd been picking on us, and the kid kind of him-hawed around but didn't really say much, and then he asked for specifics of what he'd done, and we told him everything, including how he'd chased us with a pocket knife on his bike, how he'd beaten us in the heads with school books, etc.  Shawn began blubbering and looking even more miserable.  Then Mr. Allison pulled the really big gun out... he told Shawn that my mom had come up to the school that morning to talk to him, and he was going to have Shawn call her to apologize for her having to make the trip.  At that point, I couldn't help but interject because I'd learned the hard way that you did NOT want to wake mom up during the day when she was working nights!  I said, "Boy, you really don't want to do that!  Mom just worked all night and if you wake her up she's going to be a grizzly bear!"  At that point, our bully was reduced to a heap of snot and tears.  Mr. Allison sent my cousin and me back to catch up with our classes.  I went to the gym and started getting into my old converse high-tops, which took forever to lace up, and I was still working on the laces when Shawn came in, still crying, from the principal's office, and sat down beside me to change into his gym shoes.  Still choking and blubbering from the busting he got, he looked at me and whimpered, "I just want you to know, you didn't scare me none."  Needless to say, he didn't even walk home on the same side of the road as us anymore, and he always showed my mom the utmost respect when he happened to see her in town.  I think the principal did a great job of handling it.  Wish there were more public school administrators with that kind of backbone these days... I might send my kids to school instead of teaching them at home, if there were.

[StinkerBell]

I am so glad I am home schooling child number 4.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

To be honest, Stink, I am glad to be homeschooling too.  I enjoy the time with my kids and get to hear all the funny stuff they come up with that I'd miss out on if they were gone all day.  Besides, teacher to student ratio can't be beat!  My kids love doing lessons and they love learning... I don't want to kill that with putting them in a stuffy classroom all day long.  DD woke up this morning and squealed, "My prayers have been answered!"  She ran outside in her PJs with her bug jar and came bouncing back in with a crane fly in one hand and the bug jar in the other, wanting me to open the lid so she could put him in.  She missed one the other day that she wanted to catch, and this one was on the screen in the morning.  Funny kid.  Speaking of lessons, guess we'd best get back to them.  Yesterday, part of their lesson was writing a letter to their grandparents.  DD#1 wrote to her grandpa, "Dear Grandpa, We have a wundful house.  You have a wundrfl house too.  We cant have chickens YET.  Luv, Cori."  So her spelling was a bit off, but not bad for a young 5-year-old without help.  The little one (3) took me at my word and just wrote "letters" to her grandma!  All sorts of letters and then drew a picture of 'peas in a pod'. 

[StinkerBell]

I have many many horror stories regarding the School's and the School district I am in. The one that really bothers me is my daughters teacher back when she was in elementary school. This was the year of 9-11. Her teacher (which us parents thought she was fired, but oh no we were lied too...she was sent off to yet anther school district....story there too) told her students (4th grade I believe at the time) that the 9-11 attack was Americas fault. She was making the student do this oragami project of cranes to send to the terrorist to apologize for our bad behavior. She made her student bow to the east every morning, she had what she called an Astrophysicist come to her class (He was a noted New Age Teacher). She told a little girl in front of her class that "The way you are dressed young lady you will get rapped and it will be your fault"....the young girls shirt had shrank or she went through a growth spurt and it was shorter, these things happen. Lets see...She would also make the kids open their lunch from home so she could inspect it. If it did not met with her satisfaction she would say, once again in front of the class "Your parents do not love you". I had gone in and complained numerous times. I was always told I was the only parent that had issue with this and that my daughters accounts were not accurate. Luckily I had connections with other parents and found out they too went to the principal and told the same thing "...You are the only parent...

Anyways, we had about 95 % of the parents show up and we had a meeting, and invited the school board. We told them what was going on. Of course they were shocked! We also said that if she returns to class we will pull all our children out and file a class action suit. She was removed. Some of us was told she was fired for her misconduct. That was a lie. I had a teacher come to me and tell me she knew what was going on but was told by the principal and the union if she told us she would be fired.

Sorry for my rant......I have other's. Note, that these are first hand stories, things I personally experienced!

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Good grief!  Sometimes you gotta wonder what it would take for them to actually fire a teacher for misconduct...  I had a teacher in 10th and 11th grade history who sexually harrassed me for the better part of the first year I was in his class.  It wasn't like he was hitting on me, but it was like he was belittling me for being the prudish goody-two-shoes in my class or something.  I went to the counselor, the administration, and to the teacher to try to stop it.  Nothing made it any better.  The man told me that I thought I was so high and mighty that I needed to be taken down a few pegs... I had the highest grade in his five classes, and he refused to give me an A, even with a 97.4% average.  I don't have a clue what I ever did to make him single me out, but it was absolutely terrible... he'd twist every thing I said into something sick and perverted, to the point I just never participated in class.  He also made me sit front and center in his class, and everyone else was allowed to choose where they sat.  He insinuated that I'd somehow said he didn't like sex (don't get where that came from, either) and then said, "You think I don't like sex?  I have three children!" and then proceeded to tell us how he got those three kids.  The good news is that he did eventually change, but by that time I was out of his class.... he went through a major life-altering event that resulted in him being a much nicer person.  He never outright apologized to me, but we did make peace before I graduated.  Still, some of the things he said in class were just unbelievable... I couldn't fathom why he still had his job.  Wish that my mom had been able to let me homeschool through that year, especially, but then I wouldn't have had the truly wonderful geometry teacher and biology teacher I had that same year. 

[NM_Shooter]

Wow 'mater what a horrible story.  Was your dad tempted to provide that teacher with a new outlook?   

My daughter was not hurt bad.  She had a bruised cheekbone, and that was it.  Since then, I've told her not to be a victim, and we have been learning how to throw a punch while moving both forward and backward. 

This may sound very odd, but I think this was a relatively benign lesson on how dangerous some people are. 

I am now at a zero tolerance policy with APS.  My next stop will be an attorney's office.

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Nope, Shooter, but I wish he had been, although it would've been weird for him to suddenly start acting like a normal dad.  My schedule was pretty locked up and I couldn't get out of the class without dropping all my favorite classes, including stuff I needed like chemistry, geometry, anatomy/physiology, etc.  There was one other teacher for that particular class, but he was only teaching it about two hours a day, and teaching physics the other hours, and the two hours he taught history I was in other classes that were only offered that hour.  It was a bum deal. I don't think the administration ever even talked to the teacher in question.... which was part of the reason it was so frustrating.  I was a good kid; I did my work and didn't bother anyone.  He'd just moved from NY and really had some sort of bizarre superiority complex... was always putting down the south and Oklahomans in particular... to make matters worse, his wife was in management where my mom worked!  Made a lot of fun of the Bible Belt, too... I was reading just the other day where a kid filed a lawsuit against a teacher for some similar things (minus the sexual harrassment) and thinking it sounded mild compared to my old history teacher.

[glenn kangiser]

I know I already mentioned that the school called in the cops to have one stand with his hand on his gun at the parent teacher conference when I went, so I won't expound on what I think of the school system around here.

[benevolance]

Admit it Glenn.. you were scared when he started touching his gun...

I think it makes someone look like a complete worthless jackass when they try to use a gun as intimidation... If your life is in danger.. a gun can be useful for protection... and it can be useful if someone is on your land stealing from you...Other than that nobody should ever have guns... use them or most importantly threaten to use them...

a guy who owes me money this past week mentioned to me that he had a gun when I started to raise my voice because he has not attempted to pay his debt... He was like "I have a gun you know" to which I replied... either shoot me now and kill me with your gun or I will take it from you and beat you to death with it you piece of dog fecis.... More than him owing me money him threatening me with his gun made me mad...

I just love people who think having a gun makes them tough or smart or even correct....

I think that self defense for kids is a great idea...I mean it is not just other kids on the playground... there are all kinds of sicko perverts out there and kids are bought and sold in sex trades... kids are taken all the time.... We would be doing our kids a great service to teach them to protect themselves.

I will teach my kids to fight...I might even put up a punching bag for them... Show them where some pressure points are...explain that the biggest toughest man will fall if you punch him in the neck or hit him across the bridge of the nose...maybe when they get to be teenagers I will show them how to break the arm and shoulder of a wood be attacker or purse snatcher...

and yeah Home scooling is the only way to go as far as I am concerned... Kids can get social skills in girl guides and boy scouts... playing little league and going to youth groups through the church and sunday school etc... There are too many good after school extra curricular activities where kids can be kids and interact with others their own age to develop social skills.

Plus they can just do what most of us did...which is spend time with cousins neighbors and siblings our own age... We all played softball after school at the local park when weather permitted...and most of us have a 1st cousin or bother sister that is the same age approximately....

Sorry to get off track... just that people ask my wife and I what we intend and when we mention home schooling people give all these reasons why it is a selfish and cruel thing to do to children... That the kids are being deprived...

Which makes me very angry... a quality dedicated education where the kids can be kids.. have fun be themselves as long as the work gets done...Learn to find what works for them instead of being forced to be exactly like everyone else running for a bell sitting in a designated seat etc...

[glenn kangiser]

Admit it Glenn.. you were scared when he started touching his gun...

Not even...  He could have shot me and it wouldn't have scared me.  I was PO'd.

It may have scared me if he looked at me and touched himself...  which is why he was there.  I previously told one of the lady god rulers there that I was glad a male self toucher had been wasted by his male lover and gruesome things done to him so that he was no longer a threat to our children.  I asked her how many more there were there.  I had been attacked by one as a child so was not overjoyed when they made a hero out of him and put a brass plaque up for him in front of the school.

I tolerate ones who are not a threat to me or my family but prefer straights in situations where they could have access to my children alone.

There --- that ought to start something.  I haven't totally bought into political correctness yet either.   

[ScottA]

The schools reflect the opinions of the ruling class. If you send your kids to school they will be trained to those opinions weather you like it or not. When I was in high school our school became the center of the prayer in school fiasco. We had morning prayer via the PA system every day. The prayers where given in the baptist church doctrine. Tough luck if you wheren't a baptist. Some kids wore shirts to school saying stuff like "I love Jesus." etc. Anyway a couple of kids who had protested the morning prayers got the idea to have some shirts printed that said "I worship satan." and wore the shirts to school. They where told to turn the shirts inside out or go home and change. They refused and where kicked out of school. One of the kids parents hired a lawyer to sue the school. They won and the case was appealed and eventualy ended up in the supreme court who ruled that prayer in school was illegal. The school stopped the prayers via the PA system but they still had a prayer at the flag pole which was voluntary to attend. This caused some conflicts and caused some kids to feel judged by others unfairly because they wheren't baptists.

[glenn kangiser]

Father jailed for 6 months because daughter failed GED-- and she wasn't even staying with him.

http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=28d2acca-9947-44cc-8831-9859f1f6137e