Humor

MountainDon · November 01, 2007, 02:16:49 PM

WARNING. The following may not meet the standards for political correctness in the community you live in. But it is mostly funny. YMMV

~~Ten~~ Nine Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

~~#1. You can buy a silencer for a gun.~~ This is not factual. It is ILLEGAL anywhere in the USA to possess a silencer for a firearm. It kinds spoils the joke for me... :-/ Silencer for a paintball gun is legal though.

glenn kangiser · November 01, 2007, 03:24:40 PM

I thought it may be better that I didn't respond. :-/

... OK - just one question -- can you put a pillow over a gun to silence it? :-?

November 01, 2007, 04:20:22 PM

I'm not a lawyer..... :-/

glenn kangiser · November 01, 2007, 11:08:39 PM

Guess I watched too much TV as a kid -- they were always using silencers or pillows on TV. :-/

I haven't been able to remember many good jokes lately.

Dubya walks into the doctor with a frog stuck on his forehead.

....Everybody know this one already?

MountainDon · November 01, 2007, 11:14:56 PM

I can't imagine a pillow having much effect on the roar my 45 makes anyhow. I suppose the simple act of firing through a pillow is not illegal, but why you might feel the need is another matter. As for a silencer, if you are criminally minded you wouldn't care if it was legal or not.

Maybe I'm the only one, but why does GWB have a frog on his forehead?

November 01, 2007, 11:22:36 PM

That's the way I see it -- a criminal wouldn't care -- he's probably not even legal to have the gun.

...anyway --- I don't know how it got there -- i just know it was a serious enough problem that the joke sent him to the doctor :-/

Dubya walks into the doctors office with a frog stuck to his forehead.

The doctor takes a look at the strange duo and says, "Well, what seems to be the problem here?"

Frog looks at the doc and says, "Doc, could you cut this wart off of my a$$?" :-?:-/

StinkerBell · November 01, 2007, 11:22:36 PM

According to the TV shows you can use a potato.

glenn kangiser · November 01, 2007, 11:25:16 PM

I knew I could count on you Stink. :-?

Now if a critter gets into my chicken coop at night, I can get rid of it with no noise and be able to sit down and have a nice bowl of mashed potatoes at the same time.

MountainDon · November 01, 2007, 11:31:08 PM

Silencers don't work worth crap on a revolver. Too much leakage at the front end of the cylinder. In a semi-automatic pistol, an explosive blast of hot gas from the muzzle creates the noise of the shot being fired. A silencer captures and dampens this gas. On a revolver, instead of capturing the muzzle blast, a silencer will force most of the gas back down the barrel to the cylinder. There will be a very slight reduction in noise, but not enough to make a difference. And, if the shot is fired in the dark, it will be even more noticeable, because the gases expelled at the cylinder will cause a bigger flash of light.

Never know when that knowledge might come in handy.

Actually thinking a bit more on this, it might be legal IF you go thru all the hoops, allow the ATF to background check you, pay a license fee, etc. Why bother?

November 01, 2007, 11:47:06 PM

Yeah -- that is for movie stuff.

Around here shots are heard every few days year round. People just plain like to shoot stuff.

Pretty big time redneck country here and unless you are shooting at somebody complaints are seldom made.

The day the county suggested looking into some new local city out of towner's complaint asking to make it illegal to shoot around here, the entire county supervisors council chamber was filled wall to wall with local rednecks looking like a lynch mob. Needless to say we can still shoot here as we please.

Nice to have a few people around with some brains. Now if someone will kindly show the whiney mis-placed city people back to their city.

StinkerBell · November 02, 2007, 01:05:57 AM

I was thinking, maybe a gun is not the best method for ya. You could use a Candle Stick, a Knife or maybe some Arsenic . Make sure the delivery is not in the Library, that would be so obvious.

glenn kangiser · November 02, 2007, 01:41:16 AM

I haven't played the game Stink so I don't have a clue what the proper weapon or delivery method should be. I was kind of thinking about maybe gas in the living room. :-/

StinkerBell · November 02, 2007, 01:46:24 AM

Hmmmm gas in the living room, plan on blaming the dog?

lol

Sassy · November 02, 2007, 01:50:05 AM

I've made bean soup twice in the last week....

Glenn has a delicate constitution

- just read that der Furer Hitler also had some problems like that. Thus his nickname "Glennas....." he'll have to tell you the rest, but instead of blaming it on the dog, he blames it on me because I cooked the soup :-/

November 02, 2007, 01:51:15 AM

Who stepped on the duck? :-?

Honey, will you please quit that? :-?

Sassy · November 02, 2007, 01:53:04 AM

I fact, I think I inadvertently am helping him do away with me :-/

benevolance · November 02, 2007, 02:40:57 AM

well here in sc they are gun crazy... annoying as hell to listen to locals shoot all day long... and trust me folks we can sit out and listen it will not be 10 minutes before we hear a gun shot... and usually we hear them over and over... i dunno what the heck they are doing... but they are not hunting... if you miss with shot one there is no way the dear or rabbit are around for shot 2 or 3 or 10 but they shoot one bullet after another bang bang bang all the damned time

if it is for target practice.... they either are world class marksmen or dumbasses who still cannot shoot what they aim at.

when we were kids we would go into the junk yard with the lever action 22 and try to shoot in the O's and 0's on license plates from a distance and then we would try to shoot through the same bullet hole twice in a row... guess we learned to shoot fairly quickly

bullets were expensive for us as kids we did not shoot to waste them much.... if I had the shot gun and I was going to shoot some birds for the barn cats I would wait until 2 or 3 were on the same branch and get em all with one bird shot in the 12 guage...My dad used to make me hunt squirrels as a kid because they were so destructive and chewed their way into the shop in the fall looking for a dry warm place to spend the winter.... squirrels are much faster than most people would think.. unless you get em on the ground eating they are hard to shoot and kill because they never stand still ever...

Sassy · November 02, 2007, 12:43:05 PM

A funny list of dumb laws in the United States
http://www.bored.com/crazylaws/index.htm

MountainDon · November 02, 2007, 07:39:36 PM

QuotePeople just plain like to shoot stuff. Pretty big time redneck country here and unless you are shooting at somebody complaints are seldom made.

Our mountain property is far enough away from the crowds there's not much shooting we hear. The neighbor to the west, 1/4 mile or so, does like to practice though. I'm not certain what he shoots but it sounds big.

Myself I like to plink for fun, keeping the hand and eye trained, well mostly just for fun.

I have a few 22's. One revolver, a pistol, and 2 rifles, one my ancient single shot Savage from a waaaay back. A brick (500) of ammo lasts a long time and is cheap, about the same as 50 Colt .45's.

glenn-k · November 02, 2007, 08:07:15 PM

I'm a good enough shot that i don't practice a lot-- just enough to make sure the gun is still shooting straight.

I have an old 22 semi-automatic rifle - a Ruger 22 revolver with an extra cylinder for 22 magnums, a Baretta 380 semi-auto pistol recommended by a cop and a 30.06 semi-auto rifle.

I need to get another shotgun -- but I have most of it pretty well covered.

glenn-k · November 02, 2007, 09:31:54 PM

Huh? What did you say?

I should have years ago - between the loud shooting, stereo amplifier in the old ride, too much rock and roll too loud, and running equipment I have a lot of ringing.

I always carry earplugs now and wear them when operating equipment. Usually not time and no pockets :-/ when I have to go shoot something in the middle of the night.

MountainDon · November 03, 2007, 12:05:02 AM

Hmmmm. Yep, wearing the Koss Pro 4A headset in the darkroom for hours on end didn't help matters here either. :'( Then the woodworking machines like table saws with singing blades, tho 20 years ago I was wearing ear protection but not as good as the present stuff. And I didn't wear them all the time.

I have continuous background "muzak" as well.

Sad thing is that it takes years for the damage to show up and many kids today won't believe you if you tell them of the dangers. Ditto some of those who toast themselves in the sun, courting skin cancer.

Hopefully our younger members are wiser than I was. Or if not, will heed some advice if they read this. Investing in some top quality hearing protection now beats having to deal with diminished hearing later.

glenn-k · November 03, 2007, 12:15:04 AM

Once the ringing gets so loud, you are doomed to listen to the voices speaking inside your head, --- and look what that has done to me. :-/

They do give me some good advice sometimes though. 8-)

jraabe · November 03, 2007, 12:54:04 AM

Do you mean good advice like yelling... "Will somebody please answer that damn phone!"?

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