Political Joke of the day...

Started by Jimmy_Cason, April 11, 2006, 08:10:36 AM

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 George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One.

The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy."  


That would be a start -- could they fit any more into the plane???


Not even really sure this is political.  It might just be the reason we want small houses.  (unfortunately a lot of them are out in the middle of nowhere).  You want the one from 4/14--or you just could get sidetracked reading a lot of them.



I love Tom Toles...


Good one, John...  ;D  I like the other jokes too!


Here's a joke that a CountryPlans member sent me the other day...  :)

>While walking  down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a
>truck and dies.His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the
>"Welcome to heaven," says St Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
>there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
>you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
>"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
>"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have
>you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to
>spend  eternity."
>"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
>"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
>And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
>down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
>green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of
>it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
>Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet  him, shake
>his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at
>the expense of the people.
>They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and
>Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly  guy who has a
>good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that
>before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
>The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter
>is waiting for him.
>"Now it's time to visit heaven."
>So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group  of contented souls
>moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
>time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
>Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
>your eternity.
>The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
>have said it  before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I
>would be better off in hell."
>So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
>Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
>covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
>picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
>The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
>"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
>was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
>champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland
>full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
>What happened?"
>The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.
>Today you voted."

You will know the truth & the truth will set you free


    A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a re mote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
   The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
   The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
   The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
   The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
   Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
   He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
   Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
   "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.
   He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
   Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
   The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
   You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.
   "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

   "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

   Now give me back my dog.!!!
(Cooter Toons & Pics) emailed to us from our son-in-law

You will know the truth & the truth will set you free


What Happened........?

At first I thought this was funny............then I realized the awful  truth of it.
Be sure and read the end !

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass

Tax all he has
then let him know
that you won't be done
till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
he's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me
to my doom..."

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax        Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax                      Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax             Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax               Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax                Food License Tax,
Fuel permit tax                        Gasoline Tax(42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax                 Inheritance Tax
Interest expense                      Inventory tax
IRS Interest Charges              IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax                                Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax             Medicare Tax
Property Tax                           Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes             Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes                  Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax       School Tax
State Income Tax State         Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax  {FUSF}
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Utility Taxes                              Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax                   Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax                      Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was
the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the
largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened..........?

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