Gettin’ Old, This Adventure Called 'Life' Continues, However…………..

[rick91351]

I sit here nursing my coffee and looking at the news.  It appears another Polar Vortex is coming our way.....  I think I am sort of stumped....  I'm 60+ years old.  I am hardly ignorant of current events and weather changes and seasonal stuff.  I know a lot about back woods survival and even know a thing or two about cattle and horses.  I was around the railroad for thirty some years on the east side the Blue Mountains of Oregon in a lot of blizzards as well as whiteouts on the Snake River Plain.  I have seen so much snow on the front of locomotives from hard charging pounding drifts and drifted behind the back door they had to shovel the crew out.  That said I don't remember seeing or even hearing about a polar vortex.....Until last year.  Hummm!!!  Sort'a wonder if they are the same or different than the old Alberta Clippers that Willard Scott on the Today Show reported about.  Something about a Alberta Clipper that I understood just by the name.  Sort'a like a Zephyr or a Chinook I just sort of knew without someone having to explain.  How many movin' parts to a Polar Vortex and who the heck is footin' the bill on this one...... 

[Gary O]

I sit here nursing my coffee and looking at the news.  It appears another Polar Vortex is coming our way.....  I think I am sort of stumped....

Well, no worries, Rick.
I consulted an extremely reliable source, and it turns out a vortex is one of these;


Howevah

Based on those findings, a polar vortex is none other than one of these;


Yes that's right, yer common Yeti

No, no need to thank me.

I have this reliable source.....

[rick91351]

Thanks Gary I figured if anyone could straighten this out it would be you and your reliable clientele.  Cheers!!! 

[Gary O]

Yeah

I call 'em Cliff notes.........

As for me;


enough about me

where were we...

ah

I think a polar vortex is some sorta huge snowy swirly thing,
so I googled 'huge snowy swirly thing' and it said, see polar vortex.


....and now we know

[Gary O]

Toast

Ever notice how long it takes to make toast?
About the same amount of time it takes water to boil
It can seem a mini eon

'Cause, if that's the only thing you are waiting for, the time shuffles by rather slowly, don't it

Heh, and if you are in a hurry and you force the lever up, well, that ain't toast


Making toast

If you are;
stuck (on a project, or problem)
a bit pissed
missing someone or something

make toast

If you are;
down hearted
in a hurry (to screw things up)

make toast

If you are;
absent minded
in a general dither

make toast



Thing is, there's a magical element of elapsed time, not even sure how long that is, but it's a span very necessary to settle the mind
This time cannot be used in other busy forms
Most of us are not given to staring blankly into space
However, for some inexplicable reason, if we fixate on making toast, we easily fall into a Zen like state of mind while toast happens

And if you are intent on the toast, it's impossible to remain in that squirrel cage you were going nowhere in

and,

you end up with

toast.

....this can also work to remedy hunger



(I learned this from sparks.....years ago now)

[rick91351]

Gary I so wish I could agree with the bearded sage from the great state of Oregon and his assessment on the Art of Zen Toaster.  I feel that that his assessment of slow toasters is so out of line and anti-American in all measures.  We as Americans have the right to roasted bread and at a sane rate.  I mean when your ham and eggs are stone cold.  When you are still waiting for the toast to rise and you have to go out to Stanley not Stan but Stanley who is driving the car pool car that day and tell him you might as well take off.  Your waiting for your toast to pop.  And he gets that smug look in his face of HAAAA!! Slow Toaster Syndrome.  And Stanley who is the car pool coordinator still tells you that you are expected to drive on your assigned day. And leaves you in a trail of dust....... your Zen for the day is ruined - You have visions of a toaster cord danging out of Stanley's _________.

I feel a bill or a law or Obama Decree should be passed that on a toaster box it should say exactly how long the toaster takes to toast four consumables.  Pop Tarts - English Muffins - Bagel and Bread Toast   Next a badge plate affixed on the side clearly telling you your Pop Tart time  is _____ secs English Muffin is _______  secs Bagel  _______ secs  Bread Toast _________ secs.  This should be a rider on the next energy conservation bill.  How many trillion volts are used every morning wasted toasting toast in an efficient toaster.  Yes my fellow Americans.  WE NEED BETTER AND EFFICIENT TOASTERS.  WE NEED TURBO TOASTERS.  I mean get real we or some body landed a space craft on a comet for hell sake and I am still wondering when the toast is going to pop, rise or appear........   

[Adam Roby]

I hate my damn toaster.  My wife will throw in two pieces and they pop with the perfect golden hue.  Then I throw two in and without question they will come up whiter than they went in or catch on fire.  Doesn't seem to ever work for me... and it usually happens when it is the last two slices of bread in the bag... so you are stuck scraping the black stuff off into the sink.

We should ban toast...  they should sell full sized melba toast that you microwave so make edible.  Hmmm... new product line I just invented, maybe I will be rich!  Just can't tell anyone my idea. 

[sparks]

   Re: Toast

  (I learned this from sparks.....years ago now)

   Gary,

   Not sure if I'm having a senior moment, or just a case of CRS.

[rick91351]

I hate my damn toaster.  My wife will throw in two pieces and they pop with the perfect golden hue.  Then I throw two in and without question they will come up whiter than they went in or catch on fire.  Doesn't seem to ever work for me... and it usually happens when it is the last two slices of bread in the bag... so you are stuck scraping the black stuff off into the sink.

We should ban toast...  they should sell full sized melba toast that you microwave so make edible.  Hmmm... new product line I just invented, maybe I will be rich!  Just can't tell anyone my idea.

I was working out of Denver in 1988 or so.  The headlines one day in both the Rocky Mountain News (I loved that paper) and the Denver Post was the famed Brown Place Hotel was remodeling and they were tossing the Melba Toast Toaster.  It was like 100 years old. It was huge and there was no place for it in the remodel. And besides the bottom line - no one ordered Melba Toast anyway now days.  My word the whole city revolted.  Denver turns out to be the Melba Toast Capitol of the Word to read the editorials that were written.  To let this classic pastry or toast or dried out burnt bread leave the menu was a complete travesty.  Denver and all they held dear from the old McNichols Arena and Mile High Stadium and Elitch Gardens the beautiful downtown and The Brown Place itself was dependent on Melba Toast. Well they saved the toaster and the last I seen Melba Toast was still on the menu even though they still claim no one eats it......

[Gary O]

Merry Christmas, all you slackers!

[Gary O]

   Re: Toast

  (I learned this from sparks.....years ago now)

   Gary,

   Not sure if I'm having a senior moment, or just a case of CRS.

check yer PM history


January twenty one
Twenty aught twelve
Zero five; forty one

[rick91351]

Slackers--  I note you are no human Dynamo on here any more.....  Your presence of humor and deep thought is deeply missed - as well as the chocolate brownies..... I also note you have no rebuttal to our disagreement of toasters......  HUmmm  Interesting...... 

Have a merry Christmas and a happy new year my / our friend....

[Gary O]

wellllll, technically, I'm back

y'know, for some reason I'm not getting Email notices of thread activity

(I may have turned it off...dunno...too long)

I have no rebuttal
How can I rebut what I support?
However, there is a petition going around for you to sign.........




Heh, I just read Adam's treatise on toasters

Hilarious!

[Gary O]

Well, in 154 days, I'll be running outta the building, doing cart wheels, manically laughing, screaming for joy.....

OK OK, the cart wheels will be more like falling down head first and getting up, but you got the picture.

Been a fun run of 28 years

Learned a lot

Of which commenced into me teaching a lot

I

Am not a teacher

But

Over the years, I've garnered this lore, this tribal knowledge that, hehh, nobody else seems to have.
Those that did have it, moved on, or, well, shall we say, down.
So, the owners have directed me to down load all the obscure thought kernels of data lodged somewhere between my frontal lobe and pituitary, sorting thru the vast archives of The Howdy Doody show and Family Guy.

Somebody will show me a part;

Hey Gary, can we scrap this thingy for the aluminum?
'Ah yes, that's p/n 120-2742-05
It's the mounting plate on the reeberzach test unit for weapon spec parts, of which you'll need to requal, with reams of test data dating back to year 1972...BC.
You could, however, just bench mark it against the confounditdiscomboobuluter, but you'll still need the documentation in multicolored triplicate, sending the goldenrod copy with the parts of course.'

'Yeah, scrap it.'

It's just a tiny little corporation, but it has all the characters of the large ones.

(note to admin; this is something I'm working on for my next book, and if deemed a bit too graphic, please delete it, no harm, and I'm sorry to have been so indiscriminate...I'm old....I pee a lot, and easily get disoriented)

Perhaps you know some or all of these....

They;
Anyone in management

Us;
Anyone not in management


Him;
Working his way up the corporate ladder.
But still on the first rung.
Considers himself better than everyone, even management.
Everyone hates 'him', even management.

Her;
Boinking her way up the corporate ladder
Wears tight tight stretchy things
Has more cleavage than Kim K's pooper
Well defined camel toe
Hind end is a shelf
Not the greatest of faces, but who's looking at her face.
Always wears a sneery smirky suggestive provacative side glance smile that makes you feel you did something with her last night

Black guy;
Black guy

White guy;
Wishes he was cool
Can't
Wants very badly to be the black guy
Considering an Afro

Stud;
Doing 'Her'
Doing whoever
Would do himself if he could
Rather hands on, touchy feely
Has remnants of what was once a mullet
(Sometimes referred to as the Ben Franklin)


Dude;
Always sporting old clothes, but somehow cool
Wears ankle beads
Braided things can be found in his hair and/or wrist
Has eternal stubble
Main source for recreational pharmaceuticals
Everything is 'OK'...'that's cool'
Girls want to do him
He's cool with all that
Regular guys have a concern do the suppressed thoughts of wanting to do him too, he's so cool
He's cool with that too
Of course 'her' wants to do him
He's pretty cool with that...but not stupid

Jocko;
Everything is a game
Everything is a football
Football is everything
Has an assortment of Brent Favre Jerseys
The black one is for church, funerals, and fine dining
His dim view of going out, is going long
Pats everyone on the hind end, coupled with a 'way to go'
Would high five god or satan

Sissy;
sissy

Skunk;
Works alone (not a choice, really)
Not familiar with the business end of a deodorant stick
Works in shipping, near the loading dock doors


Joe;
Nondescript
Could be anybody
Been there, did 'Her'
Now has eternal cold sores
Divorced

Tiny Tim;
Going nowhere
Been there forever
Frail, puny looking on a good day
Has a tremendous wiener that can easily test urinal water depth
Drives a dilapidated '73 suburban
Haggard, drawn wife 
Has a mess of scrawny, emaciated kids that load up at the company picnic
A night out is shopping at the thrift store after payday
Wears an eternal apologetic smile



Candoo;
Stand in for maintenance
Fingernails are tools....l-o-n-g tools. A place for grease and other indefinable substances
Can reach over and stab distant apple fritters on donut day
Keeps a rather large multi-tool strapped to his belt
Eats with it

Carp;
Moans, bitches
Nothing is right
Nothing is fair
Skunk and 'Her' are his main subjects of gossip, along with everyone else not within earshot
Self-imposed martyr
Can be found staring, shaking his head


Milkman;
Milking 'the system'
'Keeping it real' in regard to standard times
The throw out for time standard calculations

Boob;
Avid sharer of aged jokes and mundane observances
A self-starter in production line drivel
The reason for earbuds

Mr Potatohead (no parts);
Has nothing
Never has had a Mrs potatohead
Keeps to self
Stays waaaaay in the background at company meetings
Is the subject of no one
Will one day go postal

Overdoer;
Nuts busy
Everything is a race
Dude's main customer
Tenure is a smattering of weeks

Drop In;
Enemy is the time clock
A legend in regard to what's going around
His sick time has sick time




Zippy the Rabbit;
First to break
First out the door
Gets rubber off the line when leaving the parking lot


....as I stated, I'm working on this.
Perhaps there are others
perhaps you wish to share

perhaps my writing jags go places they shouldn't

perhaps I need another cup of coffee

[Gary O]

May have sold the house (again)

Might be screwed for a bit

Might be living in the container we bought for a month or so

Or motel 6

Gonna be interesting

Haven't been displaced since my early twenties

My mind is aflutter

Wunner if we can just live virtually here on the forum for a few weeks.....I don't poop much


On a brighter note, we chowed down at a smorgasbord for Sunday morning breakfast

Had a buy one get one free coupon
Went for the bacon
Unlimited bacon
And waffles (since they have no idea what a pancake or hashbrowns or eggs should be)

Got set up and commenced to make my way to the waffle section then to the bacon platter

There was one half piece of waffle
There was no bacon...just crumbs

A gathering crowd (angry mob) of confused geriatrics began milling around.....


Seemed forever, but waffles and bacon finally came

Frenzy is an appropriate word for what next took place



I may have stepped on a baby

[Gary O]

Well, I had more vacation accrued than I thought.

In two weeks (10 working days) I'll be done.

Retired.

My life will be mine again.

Been awhile.

I don't dare make anymore doctor's appointments or scheduled physicals (they may find some incurable disease somewhere in this decrepit body).

No more rising at the buttcrack of dawn (unless I'm going fishing)
No more alarm clocks....or clocks.
The weeks will change some; Sunday Sunday Sunday....


Hard to believe, really.

Seems a dream.

Nobody better wake me up.

[rick91351]

Well, I had more vacation accrued than I thought.

In two weeks (10 working days) I'll be done.

Retired.

My life will be mine again.

Been awhile.

I don't dare make anymore doctor's appointments or scheduled physicals (they may find some incurable disease somewhere in this decrepit body).

No more rising at the buttcrack of dawn (unless I'm going fishing)
No more alarm clocks....or clocks.
The weeks will change some; Sunday Sunday Sunday....


Hard to believe, really.

Seems a dream.

Nobody better wake me up.

Then reality will set in there is no one busier or is that BUZZYER then a retired person.  Got grandkids?  You're done.  Member of a Lodge? You're now on the A page of people to call.  Churches -  Public office - Gary I have this dog that has to go to the vet today. Cripe - my calendar was clean and well I got roped into a 2:30 with the metal marketing division and Mr. Hipson.  Tell you what you take my dog and I set you up with a fishing trip with my cousin out of Newport.  And while you at it could you let the cat out when you go to pick up the dog.  Cell phone rings again.  Dad it's Mel and I am working late and Chris needs to be picked up and....  Hello Dad - DAD!!!  Oh the stories of a retired ....  Gary ditch the phone.....  #1 on the list.  Then lonely sets in... HUMMMM!!! 

[Gary O]

Heh hehh, that's just another reason we are moving to the cabin....

The only connection to the outside world will be Flippy, my little tracphone...and that will mostly be turned off (gotta save the battery, you know).

Yeah, we'll be busy..but with our own busy-ness

Lonely?

We crave lonely

Nice try though

[Redoverfarm]

Gary the biggest obstacle I had was remember what day of the week it is and well forget the date.  I do however have a calendar of sorts.  If my wife stays home then I know it must be Saturday or Sunday.  If she leaves in the AM then it must be Mon-Friday.

[Gary O]

John

I......I......I love you

(Rick is weeeird, ain't he)

[rick91351]

John

I......I......I love you

(Rick is weeeird, ain't he)

Rick is so weird he has a shovel he named Sid.  That way when Rick cuts the head of a rattlesnake with Sid and the US Fish and Wildlife shows up about that time.  And wants to know if I did it.  I just tell him nope Sid did!  Rick might be weird, but Rick is not dumb! Besides your the one that turned down the trip to go fishing with my cousin in Newport.     And turns out the vet did does house calls and let the cat out...   Yes I am sitting here with a straight face..... 

[Gary O]

I wasn't finished.

Weird Rick is the most lovable of all.
I mean, he wouldn't do anything like say 'heyyyy, Gary, whazzat over there?'...and when Gary was lookin' where he was pointin', bap him over the head with a shovel.
N-o-o-o-o, Rick wouldn't do that. Nosir.
On the other hand, Sid, he's the one to watch out for...

Newport fishing trip, really?

[rick91351]

I wasn't finished.

Weird Rick is the most lovable of all.
I mean, he wouldn't do anything like say 'heyyyy, Gary, whazzat over there?'...and when Gary was lookin' where he was pointin', bap him over the head with a shovel.
N-o-o-o-o, Rick wouldn't do that. Nosir.
On the other hand, Sid, he's the one to watch out for...

Newport fishing trip, really?

Sid takes the blame for a lot of stuff.  Wink!!!

I did have a cousin in Newport fished and was a carpenter.  He is now at the Big Union Hall in that sky as well at Fishermans Warf somewhere in the hereafter.     Then had a friend lost track of him that was a river guide over 'round Madras, Oregon.  Then there was my good buddy who retired from the railroad and went off to The Dallas he was a sheelheader and a fly guy over 'round Madras as well. Raised over there at those pay to fish ranches.  He fished for free.  They knew him.   He lasted about three pension checks and ODed or alcohol poisoned himself.  We blamed it on the railroad was not watching anymore.... Then there was my cousin who is also not with us any longer.  He was a state patrolman - then a judge over in Montana.  He also was a dory guide on the Big Hole for one of those fishing ranches there.  Today he is more than likely fishing the Big Hole in the Sky. Fishing a lightly weighted leech or teasing the tops of the riffles with a Parachute Adams size 22 in a Twist Pattern.  He most likely has a table set up under the willows with a red and white checkered table cloth, two chairs.  Cooler in the shade with a selection of cheeses and smoked trout a bottle or two of Oregon Pinot Noir, a good red Burgundy or a Beaujolais from France. Or a white wine, a subtly oaky, elegant Chardonnay from California. In the basket a loaf of pumpernickel or sourdough with a huge selection of condiments and pickles.

Hold on - HOLD ON if I have displaced and or all my fishing friends are no longer here.  You want a couple bait casters - with reels.  Then a couple fly poles with floating and slow sinking line and all the rest of the stuff that goes with them?  Seems this fishing is bad JuJu man.

All joking aside if you see the video Idaho's Fly Highway or Rockey Mountain Fly Highway.  buy it or rent.  Starts up in Yellowstone and comes down Us Highway 20 SiverCreek of Hemingways stomping grounds.  Camas Prairie and the south Fork of the Boise.  We are little over half hour to fifteen minutes away from it.  Main Boise and the Owyhee River.  Great photos and narrated by Tom Skerritt.       

         

 

[Gary O]

 Dammit, Rick

I sure like readin' what you write...

[rick91351]

http://flyhighway.com/ 

The backdrop on the banner is the Fall River east of Ashton, Idaho.  Very near Yellowstone.