Child molesters everywhere

[John Raabe]

In my local paper was a story about a grandmother stopping at a bus stop to offer a fourth grade girl a ride to school, and how this triggered a county wide police mobilization and search for a presumed child molester.

This is my letter to the editor.

It is my reading of the quote from our local Police Chief that the take-away lesson here is that a Good Samaritan stopping to offer help to a minor should "first call the police to make the contact." (Yes, he really said that - call the police if you want to offer a ride to a child!) Isn't this the same as making it against the law to offer such help on your own? Does it not make you a presumed kidnapper or child molester should you talk to a child or offer help?

For me this story brought up other questions:
• We seem to be moving towards a world where every interaction between people is based on a military or police model where you assume the worst case scenario. Is this what we really want?
•  Does giving our kids "zero tolerance" rules about never talking to strangers keep them safer, or does it end up making them fearful and unable to exercise and trust their own judgment?

I don't have answers to these questions. I just know the world has changed radically since my own childhood in 1950's Seattle. For much of the year all the kids in a three block area played outside together until dinner or dark called us home. We played in the streets and ran in and out of each other's yards with no adult supervision. Of course, when I go back to my old neighborhood now, there are no children playing outside.

What about crazy people who might want to hurt a child? They certainly existed in the 1950's. Molestation and kidnapping were very rare (as they are now) but it did happen. All the kids I knew were pretty good at judging character – kids aren't easily fooled when parents teach them to understand and trust their own judgment. We knew to stay away from weird adults just like we stayed away from bullies and other "crazy" kids.

This was an era before air bags or even seat belts in cars. There was no Consumer Protection Agency looking out for us. Yet it felt far safer than the world we live in now. I'm glad I got a chance to grow up in that world rather than this one.

For an interesting discussion on the corrosive effects of "too much law" see a TED Talk by lawyer Philip K. Howard - http://tinyurl.com/y8guvvw. The title is "Four ways to fix a broken legal system."

Overview idea from the TED Talk:
Laws are meant to define the parameters of what you cannot do and what you must do. You must pay your taxes and you can't kill your boss. But the whole process of law making is to define a "dry ground of freedom" within which you are able to make your own choices. That expression of free choice is critical for a healthy society – yet our "dry ground of freedom" has been shrinking for many decades.

[StinkerBell]

I generally agree with you. BUT (always a but :)

I do not believe that "child molesters/molestation" is not few and far between today.  Up until the late 70's a child molester would not survive on the inside (prison). Yes they are segregated now for their safety but they have numbers and they do not serve a lengthy time for their crime. What might have been a 50 year sentence 30-40 (and a beat down by other prisioners if not death) years ago when you grew up is now a 3 year term. They are rereleased and generally re offend.

The issue imo is that our laws in many ways do not really protect. The prison system is a revolving door and not the deterent/correction it should be. Shorter terms and loose laws have created a situation imo that does not detract a person from commiting a crime.  The risk for the criminal is 3 years and they get out, during that 3 year term they are clothed, sheltered and have dental and health care benefits. They in many ways are sent back out on the streets fitter then before.

Crime does not pay - 40 years ago

Crime Pays- Todays standard

[NM_Shooter]

What's frightening is how many there are out there. 

My neighbor is a cop.  I've mentioned him before.  A little bitty guy who is former Green Beret, Secret Service, and FBI.  He is sharp as a whip and now works for the state of NM investigating high profile cases (dirty politicians and high rollers).  He is not someone I would want conducting my interview. 

Anyway, he said that a couple of years ago he received training on cyber crimes, and saw a demo on a lot of things, including chat room stings where trained officers pose as under aged girls in chat rooms.  He said that within 3 minutes of entering a chat room they had engaged multiple persons who were aggressively seeking in-person contact.  The department that works on these crimes is considerably under staffed. 

[peternap]

I think John's right but times have changed. When I was a child, child molesters existed...but they also disappeared and no one asked too many questions.

Part of the idea that there are more CM's now is that we have lost common sense. If a parent emails a picture of his baby on the bearskin rug, he's guilty of transmitting porn. If a 21 year old takes a liking to a 14 year old, he's a child molester. The list goes on.

The other thing is the internet. As NM pointed out, certain sites attract perverts like blood attracts sharks. We didn't have this kind of communication until recently.

The paranoia about molestation is a little like the first reports of razor blades in Halloween candy. It didn't happen but it sure caused a fuss.

[MountainDon]

There definitely are child molesters out there.

But today I believe we also frighten each other and ourselves with the way news spreads as fast as an electron.  This runs from the news media making every news story as sensational as they can to the forwarding of emails warning about this, that and the other. Many of those can readily be proven to be false or based on partial truths. If a person is afraid of everything life is no longer much fun. Maybe that's a reason why kids get into drugs. I don't know where all the folks with "level" heads have gone?   

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Statistically, violent crimes against children haven't increased nearly as much as we think they have.  However, what has increased is the reporting and media frenzy on said crimes.  I think it creates a culture of fear/paranoia.  Recently had this discussion with some people who think I'm crazy for letting my 7 and almost 6 year old go fishing for a couple of hours at a time without me tagging along....I think the lack of anything meaningful in the lives of a lot of kids is a huge part of the problem we have with everything from drugs, underage drinking, school violence, etc.  Kids don't have meaningful friendships because all their activities have to authorized and under strict and constant observation.  When I was a kid, my cousin and I would hop on our bikes and be gone until dark, and as long as our folks had a vague idea of where we were (park, creek, on the way out to Grandma and Grandpa's house 7 miles away, etc.) there was no problem.  I think even my own mom has fallen prey to the fear-mongering of the media about child molesters and kidnappers... she freaks out if I send the girls out to check the mail without walking them the whole way.  We live on a road that maybe two cars go up and down on an average day, one being the mail carrier, and the other the neighbor across the road.  I think kids these days also don't have any real decisions to make, consequently making them poor decision makers as adults.  And, I agree entirely with the assessment that there are just far too many laws, and too many with unintended consequences.  At least while my kids are down catching tadpoles, I know they're not being stalked in an online chat room that they have no business being in in the first place. 

[MountainDon]

link...  http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/19/is-it-crazy-to-let-our-kids-can-play-by-themselves-at-the-park/?icid=main|netscape|dl9|link3|http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/19/is-it-crazy-to-let-our-kids-can-play-by-themselves-at-the-park/

Can Kids Play by Themselves at the Park?
by Lenore Skenazy

Yes, yes, it's my idea: "Take Our Kids to the Park...And Leave Them There Day." Some people think it's crazy -- usually because they think I'm suggesting leaving kids there all day (I actually say even 10 minutes is a good start), and also because they think it is so unsafe.

My goal is selfish. On so many nice days I tell my sons, "Go outside! It's 80 degrees!" And they look out the window and say, "No. No one's there." Back to the computer. So here's a day for us to break the ice by getting them out and meeting each other! Running! Playing! Organizing their own game of football or four square!

Oh wait. It's too terrifying. As Joanna Molloy says in today's New York Daily News (where this idea is literally front page news), "The world is a way scarier place than it was when we were kids."

Scarier? It sure is. More dangerous? No. And that's the big difference.

We are way more scared than our own parents were, thanks to a 24/7 media culture that will go to Portugal to cover the story of an abducted girl, or Aruba. (Can you think of any other story that has come out of those two countries?) Those stories are rare but ratings gold, so they are blown up for days, weeks, months. Meanwhile, in terms of crime, New York City just celebrated its lowest murder rate on record! Nationally, crime was down 10 percent! Our crime rate is lower than when we were kids, playing outside! And yet, as a Gallup poll found, 73 percent of Americans think we are less safe than ever.

This includes Ms. Molloy. Of course, she works at a tabloid. A newspaper's job is to sell papers and fear sells.

So she talks about how crazy and stupid children can be. So true. Which is why we have to teach them basic skills -- how to cross a street, how to deal with bullies -- and gradually let them grow up.

The new buzzword among child development experts is "self-regulation" -- the ability to stop yourself from doing something you know is dumb, or force yourself to do the right thing (like homework). And lately those same experts are suggesting that one of the very best ways to develop that kind of internal maturity is through ... play! Free play! With other kids, and not with a coach, mentor, tutor, parent or iPad.

"Wait your turn!" shouted by a friend, turns out to be the greatest self-regulation teacher in the world.

Our kids are stuck inside with computers that never make them wait their turn, and a refrigerator that's always full, and a window looking out onto empty lawns. As C. Everett Koop, the former surgeon general, says: "Is there a risk to sending your kid out? Absolutely. Is there a benefit? It exceeds the risk ... Make your kids go out and play."

This is a guy whose life is dedicated to the health of our nation.

Let's break the cycle of empty neighborhoods and create a community again, starting 10 a.m. on Saturday morning at our local playgrounds. Even if it's just for a few minutes, let's bring back childhood.

[John Raabe]

Well put and right on in my opinion.

Here is her blog, "Free Range Kids": http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

[ScottA]

That article is dead on. The idea is to keep you in fear so you'll let the government and their enforcers the police save you for your own good by taking away your rights. The secondary goal is to keep people from talking to and helping each other so in a time of need they must depend on who?...you guessed it the government nanny state. If you watch TV you are exposed to this type of propaganda on a daily basis. It's not an accident.