breaking news, no link yet - still just the wire service

[muldoon]

*SOMALI PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP
*PAULSON: TARP PIRATE EQUITY IS AN `INVESTMENT,' WILL PAY OFF
*KASHKARI SAYS `SOMALI PIRATES ARE 'FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND' '
*Moody's upgrade Somali Pirates to AAA
*HUD SAYS SOMALI DHOW FORECLOSURE PROGRAM HAD `VERY LOW' PARTICIPATION
*SOMALI PIRATES IN DISCUSSION TO ACQUIRE CITIBANK
*FED OFFICIALS: AGGRESSIVE EASING WOULD CUT SOMALI PIRATE RISK
*FED AGREED OCT. 29 TO TAKE `WHATEVER STEPS' NEEDED FOR SOMALI PIRATES

COMPENSATION FOR TOP SOMALI PIRATES CANNOT BE SLASHED OR TARP NOT EFFECTIVE, PAULSON SAYS

WARREN BUFFET : BUY SOMALI PIRATES, I BOUGHT YESTERDAY.
BECKY, WHERE ARE YOU ?

SOMALI PIRATES UNION (SPU) THREATENS TO BEGIN BUILDING AUTOMOBILES UNLESS TARP FUNDS RELEASED IMMEDIATELY.

TREASURY SHOULD HELP SOMALI PIRATES WHO LOSE THEIR BOATS: BARNEY FRANK

FOX: SOMALI PIRATES FORCED TO DOWNSIZE TO WEATHER 'ECONOMIC STORM'; 100 SWASHBUCKLERS 'WALK THE PLANK'

CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS DEMAND THAT PREVIOUSLY AUTHORIZED EFFICIENT WEAPONS LOAN BE MODIFIED. REFUSE TO APPROVE MODIFICATION OF TARP TO PROVIDE SOMALI PIRATES WITH AN ADDITIONAL $25 BILLION.

EESA SEC. 503. EXEMPTION FROM EXCISE TAX FOR CERTAIN WOODEN ARROWS DESIGNED FOR USE BY SOMALI PIRATES.

SOMALI PIRATES HIJACK FED, TREASURY
$700B RANSOM DEMANDED FOR BERNANKE, PAULSON
DOW SOARS 30%; RON PAUL: "A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION."

SOMALI PIRATE LEADER OFFERS TO RESIGN

SOMALI PIRATES AIMS MERGER WITH GOLDMAN SACHS TO BECOME "TOO BIG TO JAIL"

SOMALI PIRATES TO USE SWAG, PIECES O' EIGHT AS COLLATERAL IN FEDS LENDING FACILITY

PORK SEC. 317. SEVEN-YEAR COST RECOVERY PERIOD FOR SOMALI MOTORSPORTS RACING TRACK FACILITY

SOMALI PIRATE LEADER SAYS PIRATING AN 'ESSENTIAL PART OF THE GLOBAL ECONOMY FOR 500 YEARS'; SAILS TO D.C. IN PRIVATE YACHT TO BEG FOR BAILOUT

SOMALI PIRATES MUTINY OVER DECISION TO INVEST GOLD BARS IN LAS VEGAS CONDO HOTELS.

RANSOM MARKET IS OVERSOLD, SAYS SOMALI BLOGGER

SOMALI PIRATES VISITING DC SHOULD GET BAILOUT: SEN REID

SOMALI & PIRATES 500 INDEX IS LOSING ITS HEAD AND SHOULDERS


some humor from across the thecurve guys.  who knew the bond market traders had such a sense of humor? 
http://acrossthecurve.com/?p=2143

[Homegrown Tomatoes]

Thanks.  That cracked me up!

[sparks]

"They don't like us because of our freedoms", errr sense of humor   

[MountainDon]

from a link on that website...
Wall Street Journal

Piracy v. Private Equity: A Comparison
Posted by Heidi N. Moore

While every kind of legal deal making is down this year, one practice is up: Piracy. Pirate hijackings of oil tankers have surged 75% during 2008, according to the International Maritime Bureau's weekly piracy report. (Who knew?) And they're making good money — better money, this year, than most of the beleaguered money men of Wall Street.

In these upside-down days of credit crisis (and in part because they just sound kind of similar) we got to thinking. What makes for better returns: Piracy or private-equity?

The answer says a lot about the state of the buyout business, which spent hundreds of billions of dollars on deals that are today deeply underwater.

Here's how the two compare.
Public Profile
Piracy: Treated with scorn in the past, as practitioners were called barbarians. Blamed for international wars such as the First Barbary War of 1801 to 1805. Illegal.

Private equity: Treated with scorn in the past. Famously dubbed Barbarians at the Gate in the 1988 book on KKR's takeover of RJR Nabisco. Currently skirmishing with Congress over carried interest, or the amount of taxes paid on investment gains. Legal.

Business model
Piracy: Seize assets; make money by causing distress; demand ransom; "all for one, one for all" partnership model.

Private equity: Seize assets; make money by reducing distress; dividend recap, then sale or IPO; "all for one, one for all" partnership model.

Compensation structure
Private equity: Management fees and carried interest. Average yearly salary of $885,000. Invest money, then divide booty when the effort is successful.

Pirates: Ransom. No taxes. Somali pirates earned $50 million last year. Hijack ships, then divide booty when the effort is successful.

Year-to-date performance
Private equity: Volume down. Returns abysmal. Expected annual return of about 15%, which is down significantly from the 28% to 30% return of previous years.

Piracy: Volume up. Returns rising. Target hit rate of nearly 100%, much to the chagrin of the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Investment horizon/lifespan
Piracy: Only the number of days it takes to receive a wire transfer for $500,000 to $2 million, which is the average ransom on an oil tanker. Investment lifespan ranges from several days to several weeks.

Private equity: Three to five years for each company purchased, on average. Given high asset prices and grim economic outlook, that could push the horizon even longer, seriously crimping returns. With a coming shakeout in the business, that is diminishing fund lifespans.

Geographical investment thesis
Private equity: Bullish on China.

Piracy: Opportunities on the coast of Africa.

Start-up costs
Piracy: Gun, boats, a handful of men, rocket-propelled grenades.

Private equity: Office on Park Avenue.

Jargon
Private equity: "Internal rate of return," called IRR.

Piracy: Eerily similar: "Aaar."

[harry51]

Appearances are that Big Business is taking a page from the Somali pirates' book, but putting a suit & tie twist on it. Instead of using small boats and rocket launchers to steal Aramco's oil in the Gulf of Aden, they're using corporate jets and a polished line of bandinispeak to steal the taxpayer's money in Washington D.C. But, then again, piracy is nothing new in D.C., is it?

[glenn kangiser]

Business as usual, Harry...and they wonder why I don't trust men in suits...

[ScottA]

When I heard about the pirates I was thinking they had a great bussiness model.