I have a problem

[jonseyhay]

My prize, a copy of "The Septic System Owner's Manual" arrived in the post today (Thanks, John). Now, I would probably recommend this book to the group but I ran into a bit of a problem.

Ya see, I was just settling in for a bit of a read when my plumber turns up. He must be short of work or something, because he wanted to start work on my sewer connection. Anyway, he spots the book and starts reading, next thing I know he mumbles something like, "this looks good, I think I'll borrow it for a few days".

Now what I need to know is, are plumbers dangerous when cornered? Will I need armed backup when I go to collect it or would a lump of 2x4 suffice?  
jonesy.

BTW. I did manage to hang on to him long enough to get the pipe in the ground.

[jraabe]

It is a great little book - the graphics are captivating. Perhaps a bit too much!

Who would have thought a book on septic systems would be eye candy for a plumber...

Hopefully he will bring it back a better, more rested and educated fellow.

[glenn-k]

What I would do if it were me, Jonesy, is use my computer to generate a booklet called "Pay Day's on Friday and Crap Won't Run Uphill."

When he realizes you have a booklet telling all it takes to be a plumber, he will drop your book to look at the booklet, whereupon you can quickly snatch it and run as fast as your skinny little hairy legs will carry you.  (I'd suggest rolling your pants legs up above the knees before approaching the plumber so as not to catch them on anything whilst running away.  )  

Not sure if you need the 2x4, but exercise caution.  Some plumbers are known to have an attraction for men with their pants legs rolled up above the knee.

BTW-- I just remembered -- my cousin is a plumber--- :-/

[Jimmy_Cason]

  "I once worked with a plumber that said, 'Every time you flush your toilet you're putting food in my family's mouth'."

[glenn-k]

There was a septic tank pumper around here who had a sign on his truck that said,

"It may be crap to you but it's my bread and butter."

[jonseyhay]

Glenn,
I'm a bit wary of the hairy leg option, Ya see, every time Mrs. Goanna Jonesy gets a glimpse of my gorgeous nobbly knees she wants to molest me. As you would know, it's hard to get any work done when an amorous nurse is molesting you.  
That being the case I have had to resort to negotiation. After hours of haggling, the plumber and I have come to an arrangement. He will hand back my book and sort out the rest of my plumbs, I will buy him his own copy of the said manuscript and do some repairs to his backhoe. What do you think? Deal done.
jonesy.

[glenn-k]

I understand completely, Jonesy.  Mine is a nurse also.  A troglodyte nurse.  Her sister is also a nurse -FNP --

Kinda makes it interesting when you have problems with your plumbing, eh?  (I speak a little Canadian also, eh?)

I think you made a wise choice on the book-- much better to have the problem with the amorous nurse than the big burly plumber.

[bil2054]

Thanks for the smiles, guys!

Our local septic contractor has " Your business is our business!"

[jraabe]

What is this? I married a nurse too!!

Is this some strange defect in the genetic code?
- interest in small houses
- marries nurses
- what next?

(I find my knees are also a little knobbly)

[glenn-k]

I believe that nurses are the original male enhancement product, John.

I was going to spare you all this story, but with John jumping in there what am I to do???

My sister-in-law (the FNP) just got married last week to a man who farms potatoes.  At their reception they put a sweet potato at each place setting on the table wrapped in cellophane with a note that said "Sweet Beginnings."

First I have to tell you this slightly off color joke so that the rest of the story won't sound stupid.

A naive young fellow complained to his buddy that he couldn't get a date.  His buddy said "Just put a potato down your pants and walk around with it.  You should have no problem."

A few days later the young fellow came back complaining again, saying that now the girls were running away from him.  His buddy took a look at him and started laughing-- he said--"You are supposed to put the potato in the front of your pants." :-/

Sorry about that one---   Anyway, I told my sister-in-law that I was going to take a potato and walk around the reception hall with it in my pants.  She looked at me and said, "Oh Glenn--- those are small ones-- we have jumbo's --you need a jumbo."

Nurses--- you gotta love em.

[Daddymem]

Potatoes?!?!?!  No wonder women run screaming!  All these years I have been using rutabagas!  

[glenn-k]

Nothing like an heirloom vegetable in the back of your knickers to get a good conversation started, Daddymem.

[Daddymem]

Just as long as we stay away from the daikon.  (I used to work in the produce department and man it was hard not to laugh when a woman picks up one of those with a puzzled look on her face...ok I'm a preevert.)