update on the once "missing" relative

Homegrown Tomatoes · March 15, 2009, 11:00:00 PM

Was wondering how long it would take... y'all remember when I told you a cousin's wife had gone missing and there was a big hunt on for her, and then she came back 37 days later and claimed she'd been abducted? Well, so far, the charges being levelled at her (she is to go into police custody in the morning) are: soliciting a hitman to murder her husband, accessory to attempted murder in the first degree, filing false police reports.

Not a real bright gal. Needless to say, my cousin filed for divorce after she showed back up at her parents' house after the time AWOL. You can't make this stuff up! It's nuts. It's like a soap opera, only with guns.

muldoon · March 15, 2009, 11:00:58 PM

yee haw!

March 15, 2009, 11:15:52 PM

yikkes.

MountainDon · March 15, 2009, 11:47:41 PM

I can do without that sort of crap.

peternap · March 16, 2009, 07:15:43 AM

I see a movie in the making

March 16, 2009, 07:56:28 AM

The facts surrounding this seam to have jumped quite a bit. How do you go from missing to attempted first degree murder?

In my experience, not being really bright makes undertaking criminal enterprises more difficult.

glenn kangiser · March 16, 2009, 09:24:44 AM

Somehow they manage to muddle through though.

Homegrown Tomatoes · March 16, 2009, 12:18:57 PM

Squirrel, I really hope you don't mean your personal experience.

Well, right before she ran off, "someone", presumably an intruder, shot at her husband when they came home after an evening out. He hit my cousin, but it was just a graze... wasn't really hurt seriously, but the "intruder" thought he'd killed him. The "intruder" was a guy who worked with her, perhaps a boyfriend, and she'd offered him $50K to off my cousin. This was all a cover story for what happened to my cousin's guns, which the wife had pawned earlier... the 'intruder' was supposedly stealing the guns, which were already pawned for cash earlier in the day. Supposedly he also stole my cousin's paycheck, which he just happened to find during the "robbery", but in reality, she'd just given him the money already. The guy ran and ended up crashing his car at a T-intersection and ending up in the hospital for a couple of months, possibly because my cousin was chasing him, still thinking his wife was faithful and this was some scumbag really breaking in to steal his guns. Anyway, the police became suspicious because the wife's story wasn't making a whole lot of sense and she was obviously aware upon walking in on the "intruder" of everything that was missing, and then they asked her to take a lie detector, and she agreed, but then she went AWOL the day before she was supposed to take the test. She left her car on the side of the road and staged a very good disappearance... left her keys and ID in the car so they'd make sure to know it was her car and she was "abducted". She hid out in the bushes for about a month or a little more, and in spite of massive search efforts, was not findable. About halfway through the whole ordeal, she left a note on the front door of their house while cousin was at work, and said that her 'kidnappers' were going to kill her, and here is how she wanted her stuff distributed.... no messages to her three kids or husband. Just a makeshift "will" saying that they weren't going to let her live... now what kidnapper in his right mind would let someone write their will and go home to post it on the front door?

A few weeks after that, she showed up at her parents' front door... didn't go see the kids or anything, yet claimed that she was a devoted wife and mother and that she didn't run but was "taken". She was whining to any reporter who would listen about all her bug bites and how much weight she'd lost while being starved, beaten and so forth, yet she couldn't tell anything about the supposed kidnappers! No description of any sort... she just didn't know... she'd blacked out, etc. How could you black out for 37 days consecutively and still know that you'd been held hostage in an abandoned shed in the woods? And, having just seen her in June before she went missing in July, she looked fatter than ever upon her return, so I seriously doubt she'd been starving. Anyway, I guess both she and the guy she'd hired finally confessed the other day. Crazy!!! But I have to admit it is kind of funny, seeing as how she didn't actually end up killing anyone. I do really feel for the kids though.

Squirl · March 16, 2009, 02:18:53 PM

Quote from: Homegrown Tomatoes on March 16, 2009, 12:18:57 PM
Squirrel, I really hope you don't mean your personal experience.

Actually I do. I am usually called in after the feds are involved. I work on the financial end, no violent crime. Everyone is entitled to a defense.

That is one crazy story. I am glad your cousin is alright. If they are guilty, I hope they get their due.

March 16, 2009, 02:40:50 PM

I meant on the not being bright part! OK, so I'm just feeling obnoxious... people do some nutty stuff. I mean, most people when they don't like their spouse will just leave, but seems crazy that you'd rather kill someone than just leave them. Maybe there was insurance money to be had or something? Or maybe it was because it was a case where she was in an affair and didn't want to lose out on either custody or money (alimony??) Hmmm... let's see adultery versus murder, which ones would the courts look upon more favorably in light of me being a parent and so forth? Not sure about what thought processes if any went into it!

peternap · March 16, 2009, 04:46:13 PM

Could be worse. She could have gone Lorena Bobbit!

tanya · March 16, 2009, 07:09:32 PM

And that story illustrates why it actually works out better just to make them WISH they were dead

StinkerBell · March 16, 2009, 07:53:18 PM

This is better then Springer!

glenn kangiser · March 16, 2009, 11:46:30 PM

Who will your next guest be, Homey?

March 18, 2009, 10:25:07 AM

Oh, it gets better!! My mom drove Grandma to a cousin's wedding last weekend, and they were greeted at the door of the church by one of my great-aunts (the grandmother of the bride who is also the great aunt of the cousin with the nutty wife). Aunt Clarice handed them a paper from Ofuskee County and the story took up the whole first two pages... Aunt Clarice was going around before the wedding started with a sly smile and a wink handing out the papers (she apparently had a big stack and they were handed out with the wedding program!!)

Mom said the the story took two pages because "all the charges against her wouldn't fit on the first page!!!!!" DH thinks the whole thing is hilarious, and the other night when I crept into bed quietly because I thought he was already sleeping, he rolls over and says in his best hick accent, "I did not run. I was taken!" (quoting the crazy one from the newspapers after she showed up at her folks' house) and then he laughed hysterically like it was the funniest joke ever.

Homegrown Tomatoes · March 18, 2009, 10:26:26 AM

Quote from: glenn kangiser on March 16, 2009, 11:46:30 PM
Who will your next guest be, Homey?

I don't know... I was thinking Glenn and Stink and trying to get you two to work things out! I know, Glenn, that you feel that Stink blames you for everything.

glenn kangiser · March 18, 2009, 10:29:16 AM

It's not my fault.