I have been finding out that on this cabin build that I am having to do most of the work myself. My significant other is willing to help but not able to do anything other than the most simple tasks. While I am grateful for the help I can't help wish they would expand there horizons and learn some new skill, like I have, to be able to contribute more. Have any of you seen this? and if so how have you dealt with it? Am I expecting to much? d*
All I can say is my experience has been different. My wife has stepped up and learned lots she isn't afraid to try something new. I do the heavy lifting and the detailed stuff, but she has definately stepped outside her comfort zone. My daughter has also been very helpful. She is 13 and knows more about construction than many of my friends. I often chuckle to myself when I have friends over that want to help and my daughter comes to tell me they are doing things wrong. d* Then I have to tactfully go correct what they have done or get them to do it the "right way"...
Have I seen this? Does a bear ... never mind.
I generally have two points of view. If I choose to do something, it is my choice, and I don't expect others to readily share the same interests or enjoyments for the choices I've made.
Marital situations are a bit different because of the property rights. If a spouse chooses to run off with someone else and gets the benefit of all your time and labor, I don't think you are expecting too much looking for some contribution.
Depends on capabilities. My wife stained and painted. She helped with cleaning up after grouting the tile. She holds things up for me at times. She tends to garden and plant things. Other things too that don't come right to mind. I don't do the laundry as a rule, nor do I do the dishes. But I cook.
Great question! She feeds me, keeps me fed and tells me when to quit. She decides stuff for design, and colors. I know women who are more proficient with a hammer than I am, but not AnnaMarie. I think to her a hammer is usually a pickle jar
Not a chance of My honey touching the build. She would offer me moral support, food and figure out the finances. We remodeled our basement (while working and going to school full time). I subbed out the rough pluming, installation of the drain tile and rough electrical. The rest I did. One week into the project, she expected it ALL done. That was 29 years ago. It took me 2 months from the start of the project till it was complete. We're still married, but her time expectations haven't changed.
Get what help you can, but don't expect her to become a master carpenter overnight.
Quote from: suburbancowboy on May 24, 2012, 03:44:17 PM
I have been finding out that on this cabin build that I am having to do most of the work myself. My significant other is willing to help but not able to do anything other than the most simple tasks. While I am grateful for the help I can't help wish they would expand there horizons and learn some new skill, like I have, to be able to contribute more. Have any of you seen this? and if so how have you dealt with it? Am I expecting to much? d*
I have the exact same complaint. lol
My husband can build anything you could possibly dream up with a bit of steel, a torch and a stick welder. But if it's related to construction, he's all thumbs. So I tell him not to worry his little head about it, if I need him to help me hold something I'll let him know. ;)
Consequently, our 12 year old is more likely to be helping me than his father is. He's only slightly less useful, but takes instruction MUCH better.
OTOH, when it comes time to plumb and wire, DH will be in his element and I can go do some quilting. lol
my wife has let me help her on building our cabin, but sometimes I get in the way...lol
Different situation here, with my spouse working and living in FL while I build in SC. I know she wishes she could be here more! She did help me stack ICF block while here last week, though.
Her skills are limited when it comes to construction, and she's not very strong physically, but she will be doing a lot of paint work when we get to that stage.
Her support and love contribute more to the build than a burly gang of framers ever could. I have it easy- I get to camp here and build my own house; every day is exciting. She is at the old house, going to work every day and paying the bills.
It use to be anything but electricity and snakes. After the move to Mariposa it is just electricity! ::)
Well, my wife has been right there, holding the other end of the board, getting a tool or pencil by astute definition of my accentuated head nod, and keeping a newly installed window from breaking by stopping a swinging plank with the back of her head (thought I'd have to put her down that time, but she sprung up, stumbled around, and came back for more).
Yeah, we built our little cabin.
She was afraid of climbing, frozen half way up the ladder, so I unthawed her with the application of my carpenter's pencil to the pillow end (the temptation was just too much, and the situation was rather inspirational).
We're headin' back to the cabin in a couple hours from now, so I'm in hopes she doesn't read this till we get back...........
Happy trials....trails....it's happy trials
We all have our skills, mine being pretending to know how to build our little place, hers being mostly based in procurement and food service. It works for us, especially as we don't try to take on each other's specialties. After nearly 30 years together, the best thing is we know how to stay out of each other's way.
Nice to see there is a broad range of perspectives on this topic. Hands on participation or not, I have to think that even moral support from a partner is as important as supporting the other end of the board.
Try it alone. It can be really bizarre to have a major argument about design, execution, or finances with oneself...and the other end of that board can be a long way away.
Then again, when there is a significant "oops", assigning responsibility is a no-brainer. [slap]
I got help with painting and caulking, but framing or heavy work is just not in her skill set.
I received a ton of help from my daughters. They were up for everything and ready to work hard.
All good points. I guess we should all be happy with what we have. At least she loves the idea of a cabin as much as me. :)
Hey different strokes. I do not care much for fishing but my wife loves it. I love to cook, my wife would not if she could help it. (She is a great cook however!) She is the painter and caulker.
When we put the eight foot fence around the orchard Ellen was nailing braces to the corner posts. She was hanging off a corner post with one hand and my framing hammer in the other hand beating a spike in a four by six cross brace and in to the post. Her feet were about five foot off the ground and beating this spike for all she was worth. I was standing there watching and had to open my mouth. YOU GO GIRL! YOU GO!! She grinned and said something about the hammer and between my eyes. I think there was to much empowerment in the moment. Last year when we had the man lift up at the shop. She was spraying the LifeTime on and just flying it all over after we had finished with the battens. Then she touched it up using the ladder going way higher than this kid will go.
(https://i593.photobucket.com/albums/tt15/rick91351/P9270660.jpg)
Mine's a bit shy on know-how but more than makes up for it with eagerness to learn and get her hands in cement, paint, glue, etc.
Funny thing though... A house is a house and a cabin is a cabin and there's many a man who can build them. But it takes something more before it's done. Despite her manifold contributions to our construction, painting, etc. perhaps the most important thing she's done is make it a home. That lived in, warm, inviting feeling that just makes it fit like a glove. I'm sure you all know what I mean.
Doc
Man, is that a loaded question. ???
Quote from: considerations on May 26, 2012, 09:00:21 AM
Nice to see there is a broad range of perspectives on this topic. Hands on participation or not, I have to think that even moral support from a partner is as important as supporting the other end of the board.
Try it alone. It can be really bizarre to have a major argument about design, execution, or finances with oneself...and the other end of that board can be a long way away.
Then again, when there is a significant "oops", assigning responsibility is a no-brainer. [slap]
Be careful here and get some help when you start saying "huh" to yourself ???
When she came to me and said, "When are you going to build another house?" That was support enough....I'm telling myself it was because she knows it's what I love to do, and not because I'm underfoot
Of course there's a fella I know who, not getting the enthusiasm he expected from his wife as he built a man-cave, enrolled her in the project. Not only did she help him with the reno, she also helped decorate and eventually "repurposed" it too. Looked pretty good from what I heard, what with the pink curtains and country-french lingerie dresser. "C'est la vie!", he said. "No", I thought, "vive la difference!"
Quote from: AdironDoc on May 30, 2012, 02:23:17 PM
Of course there's a fella I know who, not getting the enthusiasm he expected from his wife as he built a man-cave, enrolled her in the project. Not only did she help him with the reno, she also helped decorate and eventually "repurposed" it too. Looked pretty good from what I heard, what with the pink curtains and country-french lingerie dresser. "C'est la vie!", he said. "No", I thought, "vive la difference!"
LOL
I don't have that problem, but like many my wife has her strengths and I have mine. I'm the brute force and power and building sorta know how (sorta mind you) and she's the common sense, financial adviser, chief cook and bottle washer (I do those too but I eat way better on cleaner dishes when she's around)....
We've not started yet- but she has helped me in the past on my old UK house painting and decorating
I expect to have help and support even if its only keeping me fed well- wtaching for bears and passing the ice cold cuba libres after 4 !
"Be careful here and get some help when you start saying "huh" to yourself."
I do I did I will...its all a balance
This one's too easy. Could not have built without her.
Since it was only the 2 of us to build the entire house. We had only each other. Draw it out, find materials on the cheap, clear the land, dig the septic, build a foundation, frame, felt, roof,insulate, plumb, wire, furnish, and finally, help cut the firewood. ;D
Man, I'm tired just thinking back.
https://s991.photobucket.com/albums/af36/zion-dyi/Als%20race%20cars/house%20pics/
One of the primary reasons I had for building a cabin was so I could work this with my 2 boys (both young teenagers at the time). I wish I had done something like that with my father, so I "made it so" with my family. It took longer, but the skills and the pride of accomplishments they gained were worth the time. Now they are off on there own, they are amazed at what boring lives theirs peers have lived as far as family activities....
Quote from: kenhill on June 08, 2012, 07:07:08 PM
One of the primary reasons I had for building a cabin was so I could work this with my 2 boys (both momyoung teenagers at the time). I wish I had done something like that with my father, so I "made it so" with my family.
I'm doing my build with my adult daughter. She is an academic and did not know how to use tools very well before but now she can mix and float cement, balance a laser level and square a foundation. She's seen her mom replace half the windows at our old house in FL. She saw and helped mom frame and roof a shed and gut a bathroom and build a brand new one from the studs out. And now she takes it for granted that mom is going to build herself a whole little house. After that, she'll help me build one for her right next to it. And then after that, we both will be building a bridge over one stream on our land so we can get the truck back there to the woods. She knows she'll be helping to build the big log house overlooking the pond.
I guess I raised a young woman who actually
doesn't know that this work is thought of by most men as their own.
Having been that young woman (now slightly older), I guarantee she knows.
She just doesn't care. :)