Womans Work...Mans Work...Work Alone or with help

[pioneergal]

During this past weekend as DH and I were working out our place we were wondering how many if any wives were involved with the construction ( measuring, nailing, sawing, carrying lumber, etc...) of their homes.

I've had a few people make some negative comments about my involvment with DH in our house construction.
The comments ( men and women) actually seemed to be targeting DH for allowing a woman  do manual work.

My feelings are that it is our home and it is a joint effort to fulfill a dream.
I get upset when I can't be out there working.

Anyone care to comment?

[Jimmy_Cason]

My wife and mother-in-law wanted to see the first wall go up so bad they helped me lift the first 10 foot section into place!
I was very surprised!
They are almost always there while me and my father-in-law are working, giving us advice,holding tape measures, popping chalklines, holding header boards and studs in place to be nailed, and asking many, many construction questions.

My wife now knows what a header, king stud, jack stud, cripple stud, framing square and speed square are.  

But, She is afraid of the nail gun. I think I am a little scared of it also!

Building this house is bringing us much closer together.

Even after 13 years together.

Other than that they pretty much say, I can't do that because I am a girl.

I think it is great,  that you want to have a part in the building process.

Those making negative comments are jerks!  Run them off with a framing hammer!


Be careful, or you will get the "Fever"

It shows up on those week ends the building isn't happening..

[spinnm]

I think a lot of people need to get a life.

Know what you're talking about tho.  Sometimes think my women friends are warning their husbands not to expect the same behavior.  Male comments may come from a little feeling of insecurity.

If it's your dream too, why shouldn't you be involved?  Now, young family, maybe another story.  Perhaps the wife takes on more of the children, household, get-the-oil-changed stuff.  That's OK too.

When you're trying to raise a family, hold down jobs, build a house...there's lots of chores.  Seems to me the chore goes to the person who does it best.  There's enough to go around.

[Amanda_931]

I'd greatly prefer not to be it when it comes to building.  It's hard to get started, even if I know for sure that I canl

but heck, I can't even get any of the dogs to turn the heat on in the morning so it will be something other than shiver-making when I get out of my nice, and very warm, bed in the morning.  (one down, one wool--wonderful, as Jonsey said--comforter on top of a featherbed, and two of the dogs--I have to add a layer or two--or another dog--if it gets below the mid-thirites.)

[Daddymem]

I say whomever can do the work should be the one doing it.  I know relationships where the woman is more capable than the man, ones vice versa, and ones where both can do. I know Mommymem plans on pitching in.

[glenn-k]

Below the mid thirties sounds like a Three Dog Night, Amanda.

[Amanda_931]

Just the two inside guys.  

Sometimes one of the cats!

(Why I really really want a sleeping porch--so there's a relatively comfy INSIDE after I get up--but I do like sleeping in the cold)

[Mommymem]

I fully intend on helping Daddymem build our home! Afterall it is OUR home, so I feel it should be a project we do together. I don't know as much as he does about things but I've picked up stuff from past jobs working for a construction office and an electrical contractor and just from Daddymem.

I know my family thinks we're crazy doing this on our own. They don't think I can be of any help either. So we've opted to not even discuss it with them and let them be amazed at the end.

I have complete faith in Daddymem. I know it will be hard but I know we can do this and it will be awesome in the end!

[glenn-k]

We have faith in both of you and (you--Daddymem talks plenty ) feel free to talk to us about your project.  If my wife wasn't a great helper I'd have to get a new one--- in reality, what good is a hood ornament? :-/ ---Come to think of it--- I don't think I've seen too many of those in the last few years.

[hnash53]

I couldn't have done it alone without my wife!

You workin' ladies ROCK!

[jraabe]

I suppose some of the work of construction is better suited to the upper body strength of the male physique. However, much of building is thinking and socially organizing help - which, I would argue, is often more agreeably done by females.

Determination, the biggest factor of all, has nothing to do with gender.

That said, I have to admit my wife has little interest in construction or home planning.  :'(

[pioneergal]

I fully intend on helping Daddymem build our home! Afterall it is OUR home, so I feel it should be a project we do together. I don't know as much as he does about things but I've picked up stuff from past jobs working for a construction office and an electrical contractor and just from Daddymem.

I know my family thinks we're crazy doing this on our own. They don't think I can be of any help either. So we've opted to not even discuss it with them and let them be amazed at the end.

I have complete faith in Daddymem. I know it will be hard but I know we can do this and it will be awesome in the end!

Mommymem,

We face the same criticism and nodding heads at our attempt to build our own home.

Like you and your DH, we decided to keep our project pretty much to ourselves........ we've told a few people and they have encourages us to to do it.

Since most of those that have been skeptical of us building our dream home live 5 hours away so they will just have to wait.......

I can see them now..........with mouths gaped and eyes bulging!

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again........the people on this forum have been the kindest and most informative in helping with our house.

DH has always been hesitant to even attempt something that he's not real knowledgeable of but my head and heart swell with pride when I see the gleam in his eyes at the end of the day when he looks upon his progress thus far.


Thanks Everyone!

[Daddymem]

I spoke with the local guy building his FirstDay and he said he taught his wife how to measure and use the chop saw to cut wood for their house and she is a natural, better at it than he is.  In general, women seem to have more patience than us guys...guess they have to---they have to put up with us guys.

[glenn-k]

Well--John -- I am in slight trouble for inappropriate wording---- I do not fully understand the technique of properly giving a compliment to my wife without in some way messing it up.  I think I failed to take into account that some day she may be physically unable to help me with the manual labor part of building the house.  Obviously then the appropriate thing to do would not be to get another one, but to be thankful for the help of cooking the meals - financial help and interior decorating - thinking things out etc.  I guess that is the way the ones who choose not to physically help still do more than their share. :-/

I guess this is the reason that wise man of the world --perfect example of a real appreciative husband and one we may want to pattern our lives after, Homer Simpson stated, "Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

[Sassy]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted much except in the Underground Cabin Update, leaving most of the talking to DH ... but I eagerly read all the new postings each day - often logging on several times a day to see what's new.  Thanks, John, for providing this site - it feels like extended family !  Glenn and I started out our marriage by remodeling his place down in the "flatlands" - we actully started the work on his house before we got married - and we still tied the knot!  Shortly before, my son & he moved all the furniture from my house in his pickup... you should have seen it, looked like the Beverly Hillbillies, it was loaded so high - that included  couches, chairs, king size pedestal bed, tables, bookcases, etc.,  he made it in one trip (he hates to spend unnecessary time or money - or pay someone else when he can do it himself  , just lost a couple pillows off the top - wish I had a picture...  

I think that working together has brought us closer - we have a common goal & can enjoy the results of our work.  I do a lot of the grunt work, finish work, gofer, interior decorating, cooking, gardening - it frees DH up to do the things I have no idea how to do - besides, he doesn't want me to work with the "dangerous" tools  :-?, although I've used the router, roto-hammer, grinders etc., mix the cement/stucco/earth plaster, even run the bobcat - that's fun except when I raised the loader bucket too high & dirt & rocks dumped on my head  

We had our families & friends up here last weekend...  my dad is always especially "impressed" with what the DH has accomplished (he doesn't even give me any credit!  :-/).  He was walking around with Glenn, looking at the place & said "this is just too much to take in all at once, I'm going to have to make several trips through to see it all."  So, I can't say that we've had anyone tell us it can't be done.  When I'm down in the flatlands working & DH has been up at the cabin, I am always anxious to see what he has done.  He is such a brat, he'll tell me, "I built something, or I made something for you but I can't tell you what it is..." I tell him I can't sleep at night because I'm trying to figure out what he has done, but he still won't tell me.  

Anyway, I just want to encourage all you DIY'ers to keep on dreaming & planning & doing cuz it's what keeps life interesting!  And if anybody is out our way, come on over for a visit!

Kathy

[ailsaek]

Hi all.  I'm new here; this is my first post.  I've been lurking on the site for a couple of days reading posts and admiring floor plans.  My husband sent me here to see the 200 sf. contest, and I got hooked.  I'd been meaning to register anyway, but this thread was just the shove I needed.

DH is a mechanical engineer, I'm a housewife these days.  I'm doing the major investigating of possibilities for building our new home, if we manage to do it, and I'm going to be very put out if anyone suggests that I don't get to go in and hammer and saw and haul along with everyone else.  I've always loved building and building toys and the like and nobody's leaving me out of the fun hard work!

[glenn-k]

Welcome to the forum Ailsa -- glad you came in out of the cold.

Hang around here enough and you will be sure you can do it.

[Amanda_931]

Fun's the right word.

It's just plain fun hitting things!

[glenn-k]

Sometimes you scare me, Amanda. :-/

[Amanda_931]

Sometimes I enjoy being the straight (wo)man.



(it's also fun to be able to kick something solid (like a wall or steps) and say "I did this!")

[Epiphany(Guest)]

I have some friends in the Ozarks who are dairy farmers.  Moved there during the "back-to-the-land" movement in the 70s.  He was the only one who could get a "real" job at the time, so he went to work each day and left a diagram showing her what to build.  In essence, the house and dairy barn were built by a woman, mostly by herself, including plumbing and electrical work.  No experience.  I guess he draws good diagrams...

[Mommymem]

We are women hear us roar!! Here's to us Ladies! [smiley=beer.gif]

[Daddymem]

whooo boy...now you got her going  

[ailsaek]

He was the only one who could get a "real" job at the time, so he went to work each day and left a diagram showing her what to build.  In essence, the house and dairy barn were built by a woman, mostly by herself, including plumbing and electrical work.  No experience.  I guess he draws good diagrams...

 Last night DH & I were discussing land and buildings and building and all.  I suggested that, come summer, I could drive him to the train, go home & put our son on the bus (he has learning disabilities, so he goes to school in the summer too) and then drive up to NH and build all day, then he could just come and work on the house on Sundays.

[Brady]

Don't listen to the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals!  If you feel that you can do it, then swing that hammer.  All the naysayers are just jealous of you and what you are building with your own hands.