Gettin’ Old, This Adventure Called 'Life' Continues, However…………..

[Gary O]

So, here I am, on the wrong side of sixty, weird things growing, wiry hairs, warts, splotches, weird indefinable patches, moles the size of, well......moles, and that's just on my hind end!
I've got good hearing, but only in one ear. But that works to my advantage when things like sleep inhibiting events pose a problem, what with all the snoring, and deep REM flatulence. I just put the good ear to the pillow. So, never really have to confront the wife about her little, shall we say, issues. She does, however, become a tad peeved when I ask her to repeat what she said after a lengthy one rips into full vibrato....just kidding (some).
Vision is going south. Reading glasses are strategically laid throughout the house, cars, tackle boxes, and shop......and the oval office.
It's not a serious issue just yet, but need to demonstrate more patience when trying to get the neighbor's hibachi to fetch.
However, this also works well for me, as, for the longest time, I've fixated on the oddest things while in deep conversation with individuals. It's quite a distraction for me to see a wafer like flake flitting in and out of a nasal passage while the talker breathes. It's just as distracting to observe a saliva lip string twanging away, affixed from upper to lower lip as the talker jabbers away. The intriguing thing with this phenomenon is it is usually intermittent. The micro bungee can completely disappear for several syllables, then mysteriously re-appear in full regalia, taut then loose, there it is, now it's gone, back again, sproinging from that hangy thing in the center of most upper lips.
I'm sure I've missed a ton of important discussion content because of these fixations.
Now, with limited vision, if I so choose, it's all a blur and I can mentally focus on the subject at hand.

So, it seems the older one gets, not only does one become a bit learned, but crafty....it's survival.
The tricky part is when attempting to do things one did a few decades before.
Astute judgment must be employed here, no matter what ego size. Actually, speaking of size, when these urges arise, you should immediately jump in your car, drive to the nearest emergi-center, and have the size of your prostate checked.
Hopefully the desire to perform acts of yore will fully abate by the time you get unattached from the doctor's forefinger.


I set up the grandkids slip-n-slide a couple summers ago.
Man, could they scoot.
However, when mass (somewhere between 180 to....say..... 247 lbs) meets wet plastic (at any angle, no matter how low to the ground you think you are) at the blazing speed of around 7.2 mph, I discovered that the friction of contact has much more holding power than yield. Seems water displacement is immediate, and actually enables one's heels to make rare contact with the back of one's head.
And......when a large area of glutinous hide does manage to slide several millimeters, the waterless friction gives one's skin a healthy ruddy glow, lasting several days.
I did, however, find success in the 'slip' part, at least with one foot, as my 2nd attempt, at a much greater velocity of 7.4 mph propelled one leg forward, extending my nether regions into a never before accomplished split.
Strangely, and simultaneously, I heard an eerily high pitched, ear splitting noise coming from some wild hyena-like animal quite nearby....my larynx being the exact location.
I was up and about in a matter of weeks.

[firefox]

Wow, you're in really good shape! Wait til you you get older....
Bruce

[Sassy]

 

[glenn kangiser]

Crimoney.... well.... that explains it....... Oregon.... [ouch]

Gary, I'm from Oregon too.  I thought you were talking about me.

You can take the boy out of Oregon, but you can't take the Oregon out of the boy. gottogo

BTW, Gary, Do you ever have to cut the hair growing out of your ears just so you can get your ear plugs in deep enough to shut out the noise of loud machinery? ...

[Gary O]

You can take the boy out of Oregon, but you can't take the Oregon out of the boy. gottogo

BTW, Gary, Do you ever have to cut the hair growing out of your ears just so you can get your ear plugs in deep enough to shut out the noise of loud machinery? ...

True words, Glenn
What is it about Oregonians?
I can spot 'em anywhere in the world.......found one at 100 yds in mainland China.
Raining, shorts, T-shirt, a bit rusty on the arms....

Ear hair? Quit fightin' those about 5 yrs ago.
Plan is to back comb 'em.
Machinery is no longer loud....just a bit of vibration.
Never could hold a pencil top my ears.....tried.....envy those than can.
So, guess they're just hair holders now......
Got some white noise that sounds like the ocean on certain days.
That's kinda soothing.
Truth, my left ear is still pretty good.
Right one is deader'n a post.
I call it driver's ear....wife denies (at least I think that's what she was sayin')
Truth, several boxes of rounds thru a 30/30 in my teens has to have done the trick

[glenn kangiser]

Well, Gary....

I'm from the coast clan and like many other PNW'ers may have webs between the toes.....

Now the nice thing about the hearing problem is if you tune it right, It sounds much like the unfinished symphony.....

....but suppose the wife is having a bad day and needs someone to share all of that badness with......

You are just standing there peeing off of the front porch minding your own business when you hear the ear curdling screech..... Glennn or GArrrrrry....

...about that time you remember something you forgot to check somewhere out there in the distance and you just start walking straight ahead without ever flinching or moving an eyelash, or ear hair as the case may be.......lightly shaking your hand off as you continue walking.....


....never looking back... smooth and steady as she goes... don't lose your cool......

...did you hear.... or did you not....

..........you'll never tell.....

[glenn kangiser]

Funny you should mention a 30/30, Gary.  

I shot a skunk coming through the hole under the kitchen sink with a 30/30 when I was about nine.  Was a bit of a mess....quivering little masses of skunk flesh still wiggling off of the stove vent on the six foot ceiling.  Even a nine year old kid could easily touch them.....

Stove vent didn't go anywhere that I know of.... just into the space below the upstairs bedroom, but I suppose it must have warmed the floor a bit.....

We used to get them under the tub but it was a closed bottom tub... modern 50's you know.   As the house settled into the wet clay at the confluence of the two cricks, that closed bottom tub would always keep the mud off of your feet.....

Ok ... it wasn't that bad.  There was still about six inches to the mud under the tub.... and about two feet under the new addition that was built by an out of work real carpenter......but fortunately the floors all planed together into one nice even homogenous mass.

[glenn kangiser]

Ok Gary... Google ads gave me this

http://www.universalsoundtherapy.com/products/tinnitus.html?gclid=CM2q2_Ti2qoCFRVVgwod3TXE9w  $47.00

Well, some of us Oregonians want that noise, I can tell you, but if you get tired of it .... cup your hands tightly over your ears with your fingers almost touching on the back of your head.  Snap your index finger off your middle finger as hard as you can against your skull...

About 30 or more times.  The Tinnitus will greatly drop in volume and continued doing this technique may even almost stop it.....

...or crack your skull like an over ripe melon.  

Just kidding about the last one there.... it really does help most people.  [ouch]

[Gary O]

Dang, I think I may have just found my long lost onliest brutha from anutha mutha......


Tinnitus
Yeah, I tried most things.....come to live with it.
The two times it gets me riled is when deep in the bush....miss the absolute quiet...stillness.
And when in a restaurant...background noise.

A large part of my vocabulary used to be 'Whazzat?'
Now I just smile and nod until a quizzical look appears on the jaw jacker's face......then I whip out a lone Whazzat...but just one, mind.

Hmm, skull crack...never tried that on purpose.......

I was raised in the Chapman foothills outta Scappoose.
It was a converted broom factory.
It was right where Pisgah Home rd dumped into Siercks rd (spell check)
Not sure why a broom factory was so far outta town, but the ol' guy that built it was a tad squirrely and probably craved the lack of human contact.

The place was eden for this chile.
Woods everywhere
A little creek w/catchable fish that dumped into Scappoose creek.
Willow, line, hook, worm.....fish fer dinner.
Went to the one room school off that creek.
The teacher (logger in summer) showed us the art of hand bailing steel head when they run thru yer legs.
Co-ed out house...with trough.
Field trips were field trips....beaver dams and such.
Lawdy, if kids could do that today........


Yeah, clay....the staple of most every foundation back then.
People learned to lean t'ward the high side of the floor when standing idle.....

Tub? You guys had a tub connected to the house?
Ours hung on the porch wall.

The fairer side
Yeah, tried the 'walk away' approach.......gotta sleep sometime.......
Wimin......gawd love 'em.
Continuous mystery......ethereal, soft, majestic, soft, confounding, soft....
She does keep me from eatin' dinner over the sink, so the training has been a two way street.
She finally got the grasp of the 'put the seat down' principle.
Only took 42 yrs.

Well, both fingers are tired if talkin', and I've got this job (I'm at work now), so keep a fire, Glenn.

Cheers

Gary O'

[firefox]

Thanks Glenn, I thought you were just pulling our legs
with that trick, but it does seem to work, at least partially.
The noise reduction is pretty impressive.
Maybe if I irritate the wife, she'll slap me back of the head and it
will have the same effect. Not sure if I really want to try that though.

Seems those troughs were the norm in Hong Kong when I was there in the 60's. The British built them in these long buildings about 40 feet long If I remember right. I'm not sure but I think they had a seperation wall in the middle so that one end was male and the other female, but still just one long trough with water flowing from one end to the other. Took this roundeye a little to get used to it.
Bruce

[Gary O]

Seems those troughs were the norm in Hong Kong when I was there in the 60's. The British built them in these long buildings about 40 feet long If I remember right. I'm not sure but I think they had a seperation wall in the middle so that one end was male and the other female, but still just one long trough with water flowing from one end to the other. Took this roundeye a little to get used to it.
Bruce

Ah, Asian facilities.
HK, at the turn of the century was pretty uptown, at least in Kowloon and neighboring areas.....but up the road, north of Shenzhen in Tangxia Village, Dongguan, the theme changed a bit.

While inspecting a factory there, an overpowering urge stopped me in my tracks.
Seems the dog I et the previous night was not CDA grade A, 'cause I was percolatin'.
I subtly grabbed my broker's shirt with clenched fists and whispered my desires in his ear.

Apparently, doubling over and grimacing was sufficient body language, as several people pointed my way to the lavatory.
Full pedal down the long straightaway, periodically stopping, frozen, like a sow in heat, then full throttle thru the tiled 'S' turn and I was home free.
'Cept there were no stalls,
and no toilets,
and no trough
....just a few tiled holes in the floor.
Clean though. Very clean.

It's just there was no way I could wrap my mind around a remote possibility of a successful mission.
The prairie dogging salad shooter would definitely have ended up mostly somewhere inside my Wranglers.
My mind raced....take off the jeans and perch...then what?
No TP
What's with the waterfall?!
Oh, no way.
The term 'Suck it up' became quite tangible.

If the tongue is the most muscular organ of the body, the sphincter has to be a close second.
So, I slowly strolled out of hole haven toward my broker, as nonchalantly as possible with compressed cheeks, and subtly grabbing his shirt with clenched fists, whisper/screamed, 'to the hotel, NOW!!'

Yeah, I've left many a scat in the bush, but a coed hole-in-the-floor lavatory was just too much.

[glenn kangiser]

Stop it.... STOP IT....Gary ... YOU'RE KILLING ME.........



Not kidding, Bruce.  It works pretty good.

Yeah, Bruce and Gary, I remember those troughs too.... the water was deep and cold as I recall....

I also went to a one room school house..... Rose Lodge School.... and my mom just retired from being the mailman out of Otis area..... speaking of which, my grandmother was a mann, but I guess you need to be telling a story for that to be a good joke.

There were two buildings.  Firsrs through third in one building...... yes, I can spill first if I want to.....

4-6 in the other building I think.  I remember the time Jeanne missed a step an the monkey bars.  Of course I did not know what happened  and had to ask her what she hurt..... that was not cool......  

Then there was the time the teacher smelled a slightly fowl odor in the room and made us go all out to the connected restroom and check our pants.  I already knew I didn't have a problem and returned i a couple seconds..... YOU DID NOT LOOK.........YOU CAME BACK IN TOO FAST ..... GO CHECK AGAIN....

Yeah right ...checked again....same result....

Terrence.... did you.......    

"A little, Mrs. Tatman......."

That mean ol' teacher... she was the fairest of them all.......  [ouch]

[Sassy]

GaryO, I think you & Glenn are related...  

Glenn, you forgot to tell about France...      oh, and the marriage proposal in the toilet stall...   

[glenn kangiser]

UMMMMmmmmm ....telling on yourself??

[Sassy]

You wish 

[glenn kangiser]

That is true... [ouch]

[Gary O]

Rose Lodge!!!??
Man that little Salmon river yields some mighty big fish.
I've walked that stream more than a few times.
Biggest Chinook I ever landed was at the guard rail hole.
I may just have to replace the rotting line on a dusty salmon rod and wait for fall.....

Uh, do I have to get the hose?
How close in proximity are you guy's computers with each other's?

[Gary O]

Yeah, Bruce and Gary, I remember those troughs too.... the water was deep and cold as I recall....

I also went to a one room school house..... Rose Lodge School....  
   

Oh man, yer killin' me.... "A little, Mrs. Tatman......."

If I remember right, our school outhouse was a three holer along with the trough.
I had a rather initial experience with the fairer sort there, in the first grade.
Francis Keller busted in on me while I was busy on the hole directly in front of the door.
She really got the jump on me, as I thought I was bein' super careful, peering thru the crack in the door. But there she was, intent on nothin' I knew about...but she was a third grader...they knew so much more...writin' sentences and everything.
Then teacher appeared.....there I was, bib overalls half-mast. But Francis was back altogether, looking at me like I was satan.....
Gave me a head start on a couple things.........

[Gary O]

 Y'know, this ol' orb is getting' mighty small for this ol' koot.
15 yrs ago I was feeding specs into a fax machine, hoping;
1) It wouldn't wrinkle up
2) The people in England could read it
3) They would actually receive it
4) I poked in the number right
It typically burned three to four days to get a hint of resolution.
I electronically communicate with every corner of this globe every day, and now feel it routine.
Minutes ago a gentleman from Texas set me straight on something I forwarded (somewhat tongue in cheek).
It's amazing.
Anyone can google anything......tons of info...some wrong...some so right you don't have to think about it....reason, horse sense, common thinking ability is a must these days.
Yeah, back in the day you could get killed without it. Now, lots of people can get hurt, and just as quick, following skewed advice.

A couple times I let myself get in to Email debates....political, religious. I thought it'd be fun, as I fancy myself a pretty good arguer. However, they both ended up with threats to my relatives, accusations of my lineage, and pointed query's as to my exact location, 'cause they had a yen to do terrible things to my body, and send odd things down my neck....but she cooled off after awhile.
I shoulda known before hand, 'cause CB conversations used to go that way when haulin' dry vans across the lower 48...but then it was just to kill the boredom. But there was that one time this LTL guy got all ugly and wanted to meet up. Guess he didn't realize I was right behind him, and I eventually sat on the café stool right next to him.
Why is it that skinny little guys feel they have to yell so loud on a two-way anyhow?

So, I've learned to keep debates to face time.
It's just as fun.

[bayview]

   Thanks for letting us know that we are getting older.   Older?   Its takes me 5-10 minutes in the morning just to get out of bed!   And nothing gets done without that first cup of coffee.

   My latest phrases are:
          I can remember when . . .
          Back in my day . . .
          When I was a kid . . .
          Can you believe how these kids dress nowadays  . . .

   There are three things that indicate that you are getting older. . .
          1   The memory starts to go
          2    ahhh, ahhh, what was I saying . . .



   (A person who has never made a mistake has never done anything.)

//

[glenn kangiser]

Rose Lodge!!!??
Man that little Salmon river yields some mighty big fish.
I've walked that stream more than a few times.
Biggest Chinook I ever landed was at the guard rail hole.
I may just have to replace the rotting line on a dusty salmon rod and wait for fall.....

Uh, do I have to get the hose?
How close in proximity are you guy's computers with each other's?

Only time for this one this morning, Gary...... We often email messages to each other from approximately 4 feet Center to center, Gary, but currently it is ....rough guess 150 miles....... OH YEAH.... except for the detour through the NSA computers in Virginia.  

Wish they would get their back door out of my software....slows my computer down so much..... [ouch]

I am from Widow Crick, Gary... Grandpa homesteaded there and had the first three saw mills in the area.  I used to chase the neighbor girl through the woods back there tripping through the Fern and wondering what hungry creature lurked behind the bend on the dark corner where the trees and bushes came right down to the road.

Caught her a few times but back then, I didn't know what to do with 'em after I caught 'em.  

I managed the Widow Crick Trout farm when I was 13 years old.... get away weekends for my old dead buddy and his old dead wife.

There were so many salmon in the river in the old days when grandpa was there, you could walk across the river on their backs.  Used to sit in the Rapid Inn when I was a kid watching them jump up the falls.  Grandma was the cook there for a while.

I have to use my passive aggressive skills on the new boss on the job this morning.  Sent him 4 emails to his corporate address since midnight... three after 4 am..becoming progressively deranged with each one...  Signed a couple of them.... Love, Glenn......

He is trying to make himself look good at my expense..... I have to show him I am a bit 'puter litrit.  

[Gary O]

  Thanks for letting us know that we are getting older.   Older?   Its takes me 5-10 minutes in the morning just to get out of bed!   And nothing gets done without that first cup of coffee.      

Sorry BV, just felt the need to ferret out a boomer or two for light, related conversations, and maybe a simultaneous virtual Lazy Boy Rodeo.
Other than turkeyhunter,  mountaindon, and mikeonbike, (they used to put up w/my fractured prose and musings on another forum I once frequented) extremely nice people, I'm a complete stranger here.
However, Glenn and Sassy, and some others have made me feel very much at home.
5-10 min? Boy, you're quick!
Takes me 20 min to ratchet my back to vertical. But while I'm moving around at 45° I'm able to sort my clothes cast on the floor the night before.
Pillow top mattresses....now there's a conversation.
Back in my day.......

[Gary O]

Only time for this one this morning, Gary......   

In reading your other posts, I see you are a busy guy.
You go gurl!
I've got a wedding to attend today, and a funeral tomorrow, so it's Tux Sat, and dark shirt Sun...dang I hate busted up weekends.
But I sure enjoy reading your reminiscenses (I think I just invented a word here).
Keep yer powder dry

Gary O'

[firefox]

My father told me a story about when he was in a nice hotel in Fez, Morocco. No TP, just a guy in the floor below with a whisk broom.
I don't think he was pulling my leg, my father, that is.

As for age. I asked my wife when we got married how old she was.
She said 12 going on 13. I thought about it for a second and then told her I was 15 going on 16. Even after 40 some years, it hasn't changed. I still keep sassing her too, so I guess it works.
Bruce

[Gary O]

My father told me a story about when he was in a nice hotel in Fez, Morocco. No TP, just a guy in the floor below with a whisk broom.


Bruce

Oh, gawd! That's killer!!!
headin to the weddin', I think I can get thru it now.
Thanx pard

GO'