Help me convince the wife

Started by Dutch, October 21, 2006, 04:48:38 PM

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Dutch

October 21, 2006, 04:48:38 PM
How dee;

Does anyone have something in the toolbox that I can use to get my wife to "believe" in this project? Steps I have taken over 6 years to lay the ground work for the cabin build are the following:

1. Introduced her to the site on our honeymoon. FYI:  A parcel, I might add,  I purchased 5 years prior to even meeting her.  I'm building the @#* thing like it or not.!!! ;D
2. Remodeled kitchen, bathroom, tiled entire house, electric, yada yada.
3. Worked with two of her uncles on projects who are in construction -to build credibility.
4.  Smash thumbnails and cut body parts to show " commitment" to cause.
5.  Pulled a well permit with 2 year shelf life, tick tock
6.  Lay copies of floor plans and small cabin project articles around the house
7.  Bookmark this website and copy attachments to her email of various links.
8. ???

"Honey, what makes you think you can build this?  I don't want this to be a practice project that comes out wrong. Let's hire professionals."  UGGGHH help :-X :-X

benevolance

#1
October 21, 2006, 07:04:20 PM
Tell her you are going to build the house...She gets to decide if it is a retreat dream like get away for the both of you....Or a new house for you after you get rid of her...

Okay maybe you should not take marriage advice from me... ;D


I personally think it would get the point across. I know I would be nowhere without the support of my wife....In life and a marriage your partner/spouse can either work with you or against you....

Just do whatever you need to to make saure she knows that this is something you are GOING to do no matter what....Then she can either choose to support you or not...

I think most people will support their spouse once they realise that they are going through with something and they could use some help and support.

JMHO,

-Peter

glenn-k

#2
October 21, 2006, 09:37:40 PM
Would it do any good to show her projects built by people who have never built before?  We have very good examples here in our owner builder section.

Tell her there is the possibility the "pro's" will take advantage of her the same way they do when she takes her car in for repairs.

Here are a couple good examples of first time builders.

http://www.countryplans.com/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1136612461

http://www.countryplans.com/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1114727619

http://www.countryplans.com/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1148264750

http://schluterhomestead.blogspot.com/

Note that Sherry and her daughter are doing a lot of the building themselves --Maybe she would get the hint if you gave her her own personalized hammer. :)

jraabe

#3
October 21, 2006, 09:53:22 PM Last Edit: October 21, 2006, 09:55:15 PM by jraabe
Get a local buddy with some builder experience to be part of your team. Tell your wife this will be a joint effort with lots of knowledgeable people helping out.

For most people this help will prove invaluable anyway and even those who do most everything themselves call on others for advice once in awhile.

If she sees others (with perhaps more building experience) involved she will likely be more comfortable with your "nest building". And, once she gets to see that things are happening, get her involved too.

benevolance

#4
October 21, 2006, 11:53:27 PM
Do not listen to John and Glenn...Their usual excellent advice is not needed....Threaten her I tell you!!!!!! ;)

glenn-k

#5
October 22, 2006, 12:01:25 AM Last Edit: October 22, 2006, 12:02:23 AM by glenn-k
I have a little saying that has served me well over the years.

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to do.    (I'll just make you want to do it.)" :evil

n74tg

#6
October 22, 2006, 07:36:28 AM Last Edit: October 22, 2006, 07:37:51 AM by n74tg
No, no, no, no, no...don't threaten her.  She divorces you...she gets the land and partially built project...she hires the pros to finish it for her...and you get to live under the bridge.  

You said you worked with two of HER uncles already.  Does she trust them?  Get them to convince her your building skills are sound.

glenn-k

#7
October 22, 2006, 10:11:15 AM
Now, that is some sound advice, Tony. :)

Dutch

#8
October 22, 2006, 07:17:50 PM
Okay- I think you guys put me onto something.... the projects built by others
- good good... building buddy- check, I 've got that, dream or vacation .... okay she's thinking about that and conferring with a girlfriend,,, hmm- I don't want to overplay my hand...  all this will help with the game plan.... 8-)

Dutch

benevolance

#9
October 23, 2006, 02:59:19 AM
Get a good beating stick....As Glenn said....Make her want to do it..This is what you meant right Glenn? ::)

Wait did I type that outloud?

Yes I am joking guys....

glenn-k

#10
October 23, 2006, 08:32:06 AM
I think you are losing Peter.  You are going to have to mend your ways. :-?

benevolance

#11
October 23, 2006, 10:43:13 AM
just following your advice man....Making her want to do it... ;) I mean it works for you right? :P

glenn-k

#12
October 23, 2006, 11:12:13 PM
It works but I use psyops -- not a stick. :-/

MikeT

#13
October 24, 2006, 08:33:09 AM
My wife is alternately excited and dubious.  For what it's worth, here is how I got the quasi-buy-in for this project (in no particular order):

1. I had to promise her that we would still do other things as a family.  To demonstrate this, I we have been on three trips to other places as well as occasional ski trips.

2. We took the numbers for the project to our financial planner who is the tie breaker in our discussions.  He looked over the property, comparables, probable resale value, etc, and then without hesitation, he said: if you can do this in a way that doesn't kill your marriage, you should go for it.

3. I cut my building teeth on the construction of a garage.  It came in on time and under budget, and she likes having the storage.

4. I contracted the services of a local builder who came highly recommended.  The deal with him is that I pay for his time to occasionally look over what I have done and to keep me out of trouble.  So far, I have paid him a few hundred dollars and he has given me much more than that in his time, energy and advice.  Plus we have a deal where I use his crew and pay them for work as-needed.  Like last week at a concrete pour.  Four guys for two hours--$200.  

5. I was able to convince her that I really wanted to do this and it would be akin to her marathon training-- it takes a lot of time, but it makes her happy and healthy.  I also point out that this makes me happy and we benefit from the investment.

6. The builder also pointed out that the foundation we just poured cost me about $2500 in materials plus $200 in labor.  If I had contracted the whole thing out it would have cost over $6000.  My wife was very pleased with the sound of that investment in my labor.

7. Like others have done, I showed her images from this site where others have built their own projects and they turned out well.

8. My friends who have places and love them have continually reinforced to her how great it is to have a place to escape to, and to use as a magnet to bring the kids home when they are adults.  

Hope this helps.  The train has left the station on our (my?) project....

mt

benevolance

#14
October 24, 2006, 08:19:17 PM
I still think that Glenn is correct...Get a big stick... ;)

jraabe

#15
October 25, 2006, 04:40:45 PM
Now we're all experts on relationships??!!  :D

Not enough that we claim to know everything about construction.... 8-)

Amanda_931

#16
October 25, 2006, 05:33:11 PM
John, you know perfectly well that we are (or try to pass for) experts on everything!

Dutch

#17
October 25, 2006, 06:55:17 PM Last Edit: October 25, 2006, 06:57:41 PM by Dutch
Well, the only stick I have has a rusty nailin it so... ::)
I get 4 days alone in Colorado this summer to look over the property and decide on how to site the building.  So, since I have permission already  8-) to be out there -- and I have a well permit... I think I have broken the ice.. baby steps, baby steps :o  What else should I consider doing for this initial stage when I'm out there.  

Dutch

MikeT

#18
October 25, 2006, 07:56:14 PM
So help me with some information to help me get into this effort a bit more:

Where do you currently live?
Where is this property?  I ask because I used to live in CO and know the state pretty well.
What is your end game (e.g. vacation home, cabin off the grid)?

Thanks,
mt

wingam00

#19
October 26, 2006, 09:40:46 AM
Dutch, first let me state that I am an expert in anything that I know nothing about.


First tell her you lover her dearly then just ask her WHY is she against you doing this?  

Tell Her you love her and address the reason/s she is against your dream.

Tell her you love her and that she too is part of your dream, a major part.

Tel her you love her and explain why this is so important to you.

Tell her you love her and that she is very important to so also.

Tell her you love her and that you want and need her input into building your dream.

Tell her you love her and ask her if she understands why this is so important to you.

Tell her you love her and ask her what she thinks now about your dream place.

(Depending on her anwser one of these are you  next steps .)

(Yes she wants to go forth with your Dream)

Tell her you LOVE HER.

(NO she still against your dream)

Tell her you LOVE HER and get a big stick!!!


Good Luck

glenn-k

#20
October 26, 2006, 10:10:19 AM
That might work, Mark but you forgot to mention that he may need a large towel to clean up after all that slobbering. :-/ :)

StinkerBell

#21
October 26, 2006, 04:34:29 PM
If you can some how work chocolate into the equation you can make it happen. ;)

bayviewps

#22
October 26, 2006, 07:51:10 PM
No No No !!!   Using a stick will cause obvious bruising . . . (Leading to the divorce . . .  she gets everything.)  Use a rubber hose.  It shows no marks but is still an attention getter.      ;)

benevolance

#23
October 27, 2006, 01:32:27 AM
I prefer the phone book...It leaves no indentations. ;) ::) ;)

I was referring to my preference when the wife beats me... :P

Dutch

#24
October 27, 2006, 05:02:38 PM
Mike T

I live in the South. The lot is in Summit County- Fairplay- about 10,000 ft up there.  End game is a cabin that we can visit and enjot for several weeks at a time.  This is not a second home.. rather a retreat.  

Dutch
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