Living will and power of attorney

[peternap]

The hospice thread inspired this. How many have a living will and power of attorney? For those that do, how many have it in a place it can be found?

Both of my wife's parents died in the last few years. Her father was an appeals court judge and had a living will. He was also a difficult person (I'm being kind) and hid everything. My wife had to make the decision to pull the plug. It was the hardest thing she's ever done.

To make matters worse, many of the other family members were anxious to inherit, and pushed very hard. So hard in fact, I quietly threw one out of the hospital.

My mother in law had a living will and we could find hers. It was difficult for me to sit there 24 hours a day and watch her die from starvation and thirst, but it was her wish.

I HAVE TWO! Both originals, notarized and say the same thing. One is in my wallet and the other is in the safe at home. Hopefully it will save my wife some anguish because I have no intention of languishing. When it's time to go, it's time to go!

[MountainDon]

Excellent topic Peter.

We both have both. I must admit though I don't have a wallet copy. Do you have a special miniaturized form or a bigger wallet than mine?  We have multiple original copies in multiple places; one which is very easy to be found here at home.

This is a very important thing. Everyone, even those who qualify for the "any younger members here" thread, should give some thought to what they'd want if they were struck down by a bus, disease or whatever.

We've been down the family members arguing about what should be done. Sometimes it's people not wanting to follow the wishes of the dieing family member that becomes the problem. I won't go into that as I'll become riled up.

More: A proper last will & testament is also something we should all have to ensure that everyone we want to have included or excluded in the distribution of our stuff.

And More: The same thing might be said about prepaid funeral/burial/cremation plans. Being prepared takes a load of the survivors.

And More: You can have your bank add a "Payable On Death" designation to any bank accounts. The named person has no rights of any kind at all, until you die. Assuming nobody would bump you off for the money it can save the hassle of probating. (May vary state to state as banking laws have a strong state component.)

California and Missouri also have provision on motor vehicle titles for a benificiary to be named, keeping the vehicle out of the estate and the probate system.


There may be cases where setting up a Revocable Living Trust may be advantageous. The darn lawyeres take enough for writing them though. LegalZoom.com is one place you can get things like that done at "bargain" prices. Same for wills, etc. etc. HINT: When you use LegalZoom you fill out forms on line. IF you leave the form uncompleted, but saved for a few days, they'll email you a 10% off deal.

[Redoverfarm]

Good comment Don. I might add that once the will is drafted that very few people go back and change it periodically to the changing enviroment.  Additional benificeries ( grand children) and newly acquired realestate or land are just a few. I have seen that even sons and daughters were not added to original will that were done several years back.  So once in a while take the time to sit back and go over it to make sure you have it all covered.  For me I came into this world without anything and it looks like I will go out the same way.  Break even I guess.

[MountainDon]

[this message used to be before John's post. I screwed up when doing an edit.  ]

Once again, this may vary from state to state...

If it is named in the will you can have a document, called a "memo" here in NM, where you can easily reassign items to different people without having a new will made up, notarized, paid for, etc. Things like who gets the entertainment center, the tools, the Sunday china and the like.

Also if you plan properly you may have less than the state mandated threshold amount left in the estate and be able to avoid the costs of probate altogether. We have done, or rather are working through the MIL's affairs outside of probate. Of course for this to happen there has to be a legal will with a named personal representative or executor. All we had to do was get an affidavit notarized. The form was available from the probate court website as a free download. Next was obtaining an estate TIN (taxpayer ID number)... from an IRS website... apply and obtain online in about 5-7 minutes. Estate bank account opened with a quick visit to our bank. Now we're just wading through the hospital/ambulance/doctor/nursing home/ etc etc paperwork with all the nickel-diming charges. But we are saving $500+ dollars in lawyers fees and that feels good.

[CREATIVE1]

I'm a financial planner and do some estate work.  A couple of comments:

Make sure you give a copy of your Living Will to your doctor.

Under some circumstances (at least in Florida), you need to have a "Do Not Resuscitate" Order to keep the paramedics from doing the full routine. 

And the best point, already made, is to update your documents.  If you appoint a Personal Representative, also mention an alternate.  Be sure to choose someone who lives in your state. 

You can write your own will with free documents on the internet at www.ilrg.com.  If you don't write a will, the state will decide how to distribute the funds.  And any property held jointly with someone else, such as bank accounts, will pass directly to that person.  It doesn't matter what the will says.

[Sassy]

Very timely info - thanks for the links - I keep telling Glenn that we need to do a will - with 5 kids between us & soon to be 9 grandkids & several properties, vehicles etc.  it could get really messy - he's content to let the heirs fight it out amongst themselves...      Kinda like when my brother asked my dad what he'd like said or done at his funeral, he replied  "Do whatever you want, I won't be there"   

My parents had an irrevocable living will drawn up a few years before my mom died & kept it updated.  They also had prepaid funeral services, cemetary plots together & a double headstone that was placed when my mom died.  So it all was very simple for us kids - you're not thinking about all the details when you are dealing with a dying loved one & after they pass you have the grief & all the emotions to deal with. 

I'll have to take the time while I'm off for a few more days to look those sites over & get to work on things.  It's a shame to work all your life & accumulate a few things & have the gov't take it all away... 

Also the "Durable Power of Attorney"/Living will/DNR  At the hospital we outinely discuss the "durable  power of attorney" with all of our patients while they are able to make decisions & not wait until a crisis.  What this does is appoint someone as your spokesperson in the event that you are not able to make health care decisions on your own.  You can specify what types of interventions you would want ie ventilator, CPR, shocking etc or no heroic measures or a few day trial on a ventilator, if status is irreversible then "pull the plug", whether you want intravenous fluids, a feeding tube, etc.  There's a lot of things to consider & it is up to the individual what their philosophy of death & dying is.  If you don't want someone else making these decisions, then it's important to address these issues.  All hospitals have someone - usually a social worker who can help with filling one of these out. 

In the state of California, if you call the paramedics, they are going to resuscitate you if possible - that means shocking, advance life support drugs, intubating & placing on a ventilator to breathe for you if needed etc. even if you have a DNR (do not resuscitate) order & form filled out.  They consider the fact that if you called for the paramedics you want them to do everything.  So keep that in mind...  anyway, all important stuff!

[MountainDon]

I keep telling Glenn that we need to do a will - with 5 kids between us & soon to be 9 grandkids & several properties, vehicles etc.  it could get really messy - he's content to let the heirs fight it out amongst themselves...

Glenn!     r u 

Not having a will does not mean you are not going to die, same as having one doesn't mean you are going to die any sooner. It just means that your wishes are written down.

We had our first wills done shortly after we bought our first term life insurance which was before our son was born. There have been a number of updates to the will since. And the term life is gone, not needed. The memorandum that gets into the real nitty gritty of what person gets what, according to your wishes helps prevent bad feelings between the heirs that may arise when more than one person feels entitled to something. Both our parents' had memos along with the official will. The will looked after the big stuff. The memo all the small household stuff. My sisters and I followed my Mom's wishes and did a lot of horse trading between us on some things. But I never felt done wrong. K and her brother and sister did much the same.

[CREATIVE1]

Also, try to set up someone as your "Medical Surrogate."  With all the new confidentiality rules, this form was INVALUABLE in dealing with my mother's medical issues.  I couldn't have easily bought her a new insurance policy or been able to speak to her doctors (and she was totally gone mentally, so she couldn't do it). 

[glenn kangiser]

I'm more L A Z Y. 

I guess Sassy could do it. 

[peternap]

UH....Glen, if you don't do it then the GOVERNMEBT may decide for you!

I put a little Kiss my Hiney Judge, paragraph in mine.

[glenn kangiser]

Keep it up --- you're getting me motivated.